


Tell me things you've never said out loud

by carmelfringe



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fanboy Bucky Barnes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Modern Bucky Barnes, Modern Steve Rogers, Pining, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Student Bucky Barnes, Writer Steve, famous steve rogers, potentially
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:28:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22656271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmelfringe/pseuds/carmelfringe
Summary: The thing about Steve Rogers’ books was that no one really knew how they got so popular all of a sudden. They just did. One day you had no idea the man existed, then you blinked and boom — you saw his name plastered for the second month in a row on The New York Times Best Seller List. To say his books were good would be the understatement of the century. That man was the Mozart of creative writing.or: Steve is Bucky's favourite writer.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 204
Kudos: 384





	1. When have I fallen?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't wanna give away too much in the summary but I promise I do know where I'm going with this story. Trust me, I'm a very trustworthy person.

PART I 

_  
Tell me things you've never said out loud_

_Just try and go there if you can_

To one, _success_ can mean finishing college. To the other — settling down in big, beautiful mansion somewhere in California, having a loving spouse and three kids. There are also some people to whom being successful is the equivalent of being rich or famous or rich _and_ famous. Point is, there are as many definitions of what _success_ means as there are people in the whole wide world. It can’t be generalised, everyone sees it differently (even if these differences we speak of are tiny).

To Bucky Barnes success meant getting the newest Steve Rogers book before every other popular book nerd, reading it at the speed of light and writing the quickest review possible so no other book-blog orbook-tuber would do it first. He’d be the herdsman of all these clueless sheep, his opinion the one every new potential Steve Rogers reader would value the most.

To some, the book nerd community could’ve been perceived as harmless and welcoming but Bucky knew better. Those people were anything but that. They were _vile_. Friendly smiles graced their faces, smiley emojis ended their blog entries but rotten personalities were trapped behind their warm façades.

Okay yeah, maybe he was exaggerating a tiny bit. But when one of the most anticipated book releases of the decade was right at the horizon he would _not_ let himself get sidetracked.

The thing about Steve Rogers’ books was that no one really knew how they got so popular all of a sudden. They just did. One day you had no idea the man existed, then you blinked and _boom_ — you saw his name plastered for the second month in a row on _The_ _New York Times Best Seller List_. To say his books were good would be the understatement of the century. That man was the Mozart of creative writing. His ideas were fresh and the way his beautiful storytelling captured them was simply enthralling. When _Haunted_ came out Bucky pulled an all-nighter which resulted in him having to write his history exam on zero sleep and two energy drinks, being super jittery, failing the said exam and still not regretting his decision one bit. After coming home he wrote his longest post to date about the sheer brilliance of the book and became a die hard fan of Steve Rogers and his beautiful mind ever since. The sequel, _Innocent_ , despite having been written in only six months, wasn't any worse than its preceder . Steve was just that good. So, it was safe to say that the two years of waiting for _Naive_ were pure agony.

Waiting that would be over soon.

***

“Hey! Watch where you’re walking, asshole!”

Bucky lifted his gaze from the unnerving e-mail on his phone only to look a very angry looking woman in the eye. She clutched her purse more tightly and quickly stormed away before Bucky even had the chance to say sorry.

_Hello James,_

_We are happy to inform that your book has already been shipped and should be at your doorstep on Wednesday/Thursday._

_Thank you for choosing us,_

_Arby’s Books_

Wednesday _or_ Thursday.

Thursday.

The official _Naive_ release is on Wednesday. He _can’t_ get it on Thursday. Too late. No. Nope. No. NO.

Bucky took a deep breath and headed towards the campus. _In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out_. It’s just a book. Dead tree with words.

_Wednesday. You’ll get it on Wednesday._

***

“How are you even planning on reading it so fast?Aren’t you dyslexic or something?”

Sam was chewing on his bagel and eyed Bucky curiously. They were sitting at a small table by thewindow, noises of the busy street partially muted by the glass.

“So? I’m determined. This live-laugh-love bitch Ashleigh can’t be first this time.” He absentmindedly stirred his fresh orange juice with a metal straw, looking at how the ice cubes slowly dissolved in the drink.

“Remind me why we hate her again?”

Bucky shot him an unimpressed look, took a bite of his croissant and answered with his mouth full.

“Because. Remember when _Innocent_ came out?”

“Didn’t know _Innocent_ was gay! Congrats, so happy for her!”

“Ha, ha.” He deadpanned. “Funny. So funny. Look at me, laughing. Ha. Anyway,” he slurped on the orange juice some more “She stole my readers.”

“How?”

“Because she was the first to review _Innocent_! And even you, someone who’s allergic to books and literature, know how big the hype for that book was. Now she’s the most popular book reviewer. I honestly have no idea how she even managed to get that book one day before the official release but I hope the dumbass who sold it to her a day early got fired.”

“Damn dude, is it really that serious?” Sam laughed but Bucky looked at him with a blank stare and with zero hesitation answered “yes” two seconds later.

“She gained like, half a million subscribers solely because of that.”

“But she’s a youtuber. You’re not. You run a blog, that’s different.” Sam pointed out while sipping on his black coffee. No sugar, no milk, just a simple black coffee. Basic. But made a statement.

“The most popular book reviewing blog, yes.” Bucky preened with pride. “Which means —now I have a reputation to maintain. If she posts her video first, some people won’t be interested in reading my thoughts on the book anymore. Or accuse me of ripping off her interpretations or something.”

Sam whistled and leaned back in his chair. “Won’t this pressure of being the first to review the book take away the pleasure of enjoying it?”

“No. I’m gonna devour this book in a matter of hours anyway, I’ve waited long enough, the only proper way to read it is reading it in one sitting.”

“I would never.”

Bucky laughed at him and patted his shoulder across the table. “Believe me, buddy, I know.”

“Do you even know how the guy looks like?” Sam wondered and downed the rest of his coffee. So bitter, yet his mouth didn’t flinch at all. Impressive.

“Does it matter?” Bucky shot back.

“I guess not. But you can’t tell me you’re not even a tiny bit curious. He’s, like, your all-time favourite author. What if he’s super ugly? Or if he’s pushing eighty?”

“You really believe a man that old would be able to write young characters that are this realistic? Or use a keyboard for that matter?”

“Point taken.”

“As for the ugly part, I don’t care.”

“You sure don’t.” Sam smiled slyly and Bucky punched him in the arm.

“Okay, maybe an attractive face would make a great addiction to that pretty mind of his. Not gonna lie.”

They got up to pay and left the café, heading to Bucky’s apartment.

“Have you tried googling him?” They were now walking on a sidewalk full of people, all rushing somewhere. There wasn’t a single person who was strolling at a somewhat normal pace. No, everyone was in a hurry. Fridays.

“Remember Allie? This cute girl from your economics class that you were totally crushing on? And how I found her instagram without you even giving me her name?”

Sam laughed. “Okay, I get it. I totally forgot about your special and very impressive stalking skills.”

“Exactly.” Bucky looked at Sam smugly. Then, a man with a very happy looking dog (Do dogs even smile? If so, then this one definitely was smiling) walked right past them, a determined look on his face as he quickly headed towards the crosswalk. The dog, however, had apparently different plans and suddenly stopped to sniff at Bucky’s leg. The owner huffed an annoyed sigh and whined “Noooo… Baxter, not this shit again! Please!” Bucky just laughed and petted the dog’s head.

“That’s fine. I really don’t mind.” He said, smiling at the furry intruder while scratching it behind the ears.“Aren’t you the cutest?” Baxter’s tail happily waggled some more but before Bucky knew it he was back at his owner’s side.

“Have a nice day!” He heard the stranger say, already turning around and walking away. Bucky only caught a quick glimpse of his face, his eyes focused on the man’s radiant smile. He had never seen someone with a smile as perfect as his.

“You too…” Bucky quietly muttered while silently cursing himself for not focusing on his whole face and wishing he’d gotten two seconds more to do just that.

“Dude!” Sam bumped his shoulder when the stranger was barely out of their earshot. “That can be your big chance at romance. Go after him!”

But Bucky stood still, dumbfounded. Finally, after a few seconds had passed, he turned around but the man was long lost in the crowd.

“I…have no idea what just happened.” He stared straight ahead — unfocused, mind racing. “There was just something about this guy that made me unable to think, I guess. It’s like suddenly I wasn’t playing the starring role in a movie about my own life — he was. ’S why I couldn't go after him. I was literally rooted to the spot.”

“Weird. That never happened to you before.And you’ve met a lot of pretty people.”

“Right? But none of them were so unnaturally captivating.” Bucky was so, _so_ confused.

“Well, he was walking his dog so he must live somewhere in this area. Maybe we’ll see him again.”

Bucky’s apartment complex was right behind the corner. He pulled out the keys from his jacket pocket.

“Yeah… maybe”

***

Tuesday was _hell._ Bucky couldn't focus on anything, the only thing on his mind was the goddamn book and how it should be at his doorstep at exactly seven in the morning on the next day. Not an hour later. Definitely not a _day_ later (like this stupid e-mail said it could).

Positive thoughts.

He was walking towards the main hall, a large cup of coffee in hand because there was no way he was gonna survive the morning lecture without it. Suddenly his phone vibrated, indicating he just got a text and Bucky’s heart rate sped up. _Please let it be the book store please let it be the bookstore please—_

_from: SAM MY MAN_

_gon b late, save me a seat pls_

Bucky sighed and sat in the back row, putting his bag on the seat next to him. He was in the middle of texting Sam to hurry up when he felt a hand softly tapping him on the arm.

“Sorry,” a tall, blonde guy smiled shyly and looked at him, gesturing towards the seat with his bag on it “I’m guessing this seat is taken?”

“You guessed correctly.” At this, his smile turned into a slight frown so Bucky quickly added “But the one on my left isn’t. You’re welcome to sit there.”

The guy beamed, walking past Bucky and setting himself next to him. He offered him a handshake. “I’m Aaron. And you are…?”

Bucky shook his hand. “James.”

Aaron’s look was a bit puzzled but he quickly covered it up with a smile, hoping Bucky wouldn’t notice. He did.

“James? Huh, must’ve misheard it, then.”

 _Does this guy know him?_ It was Bucky’s turn to look confused now.

“I was standing behind you in a line at Starbucks, you were with your friend. He called you B..inky?”

Bucky’s face turned from very confused to very mortified in a matter of seconds. He could feel it already flushing red. _Oh no_. 

He laughed to cover up his embarrassment. “Bucky. He called me Bucky.”

Aaron smiled at him. “Oh. So my hearing’s a bit impaired, after all.”

“Friends call me Bucky. You can, too. If you want.”

There was a strange look in Aaron’s eyes as he answered “Okay. Nice to meet you properly, Bucky.”

He decided not to dwell on it.

Bucky’s last class — graphic design — was slowly coming to an end. He stared at his work at the big computer screen in front of him, not pleased with it but not completely disgusted. Indifferent. He couldn’t focus.

 _Ding._ His phone vibrated with a new text message.

_from: 202-555-0771_

_Your package has been delivered! Thank you for shopping with us._

_Arby’s books_

It was the quickest Bucky’d ever gotten home.

***

_the Late Night Show with Lily Mitchell, July 8th 2017, New York City_

_“Steve. This isn’t the first time people hear about you on the TV. Your books have been talked about quite a lot over the course of the last three years, with them occupying_ The New York Times Best Seller List _for weeks. But, this is the first time we’re seeing your face. May I ask — why now?”A brunette woman dressed in a professional looking, classy pink suit looked at Steve intently. They were in a small studio, her sitting behind a wooden desk, Steve on one of the grey couches next to it._

_He coughed._

_“Hmm…To be quite honest, I don’t really know myself. I guess I just wasn’t that keen on getting recognized. I mean, don’t get me wrong — I’m in no way a popular celebrity. I’m as far away from an A-lister as you can get, really” He laughed nervously._ “ _But… I’m aware of the sudden success my books have gained.”_

_“So you wanted to remain… anonymous?”_

_“Yeah.” He gave her a small smile._ “ _It gave me this weird sense of privacy. While my name got pretty big, I, myself, was still very much unknown. And I liked it that way.”_

_“But…?” Lily prompted. Steve played with his fingers a little but he wasn’t looking down. He was looking directly at her, like he wasn’t scared of suddenly being known to the world._

_“I figured the time to show my face would eventually come. It was probably only a matter of months. I don’t mind it now. The only thing I care about is people enjoying what I write.”_

_“Speaking of which…” Lily pulled a copy of_ Naive _out from behind her desk, showing the book to the audience. Loud cheers erupted, making Steve’s grin widen. “The final book of your_ Haunted _trilogy is out now. Do you know_ The New York Times _called it the most-anticipated book of the decade?”_

_More screaming from the audience. Steve blushed and ducked his head. “I had not idea, to be honest.”_

_“What do you want to say to your fans before they grab the book?”_

_“Hope it was worth the wait.”_

***

The _goddamn Marimba_ iPhone ringtone blasted on full volume in Bucky’s apartment. He glanced at his beaten-up phone.

Sam.

Decline.

Carry on reading.

It was two a.m., why was Sam calling him in the middle of the night anyway? He got back to the paragraphhe was currently at, too engrossed in reading to care about anything else. If Sam wasn’t dying then he could wait.

_Marimba_ again.

“God fucking dammit.” Bucky muttered, pressing the decline button.

 _Ding_.

He quickly grabbed his phone to shoot Sam a text telling him that he’s alive, he loves him but asking him to kindly fuck off for now.

_from: SAM MY MAN_

_dude I know ur reading rn but !!!!! CHECK THIS SHIT OUT. IMPORTANT. !!!!  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrgiGbX4m8g_

How important can a youtube video be?

_to: SAM MY MAN_

_will do once im done reading. see u in a few hrs xoxo_

Sam responded immediately.

_from: SAM MY MAN_

_ok suit urself but… ;-)))_

_… The fuck?_

Four hours later Bucky found himself still on his bed, legs crossed, _Naive_ on his lap, open on the last page. Tissues were scattered everywhere, his vision blurred because of tears that had beenconsistently spilling from his eyes as he read the last twenty pages. He laughed at himself, sniffledand re-read the last sentence about fifteen times more. God, that… that wasbrilliant. He took a deep breath, opened his laptop and began writing a long, completely biased _Naive_ review because he just loved Steve Rogers and his beautiful mind so, so much.

Yeah, he did have enormous bags under his swollen eyes and was on a verge of collapsing by thetime he was done with half of his uni classes. He didn't care. He was so happy.

Bucky grabbed two large coffees (it was his turn now, Sam bought them last week) and waited outside the main building for Sam to arrive (hopefully on time) so they could head to their joint lectures together.

“Did you see the video I sent you?” was the first thing Sam said when he was in his earshot.

“No……t yet?” Bucky smiled at him sheepishly. “I got too caught up in reading this absolute fucking masterpiece, prime example of fine literature, eighth wonder or the world.” He handed Sam his coffee. “I promise I’m gonna watch as soon as I can.”

“Did you at least beat that Ashleigh bitch? Were you the first to review it?”

Bucky gave him a tired but content smile. “Yes.” He then took a large gulp of his coffee and sighed in satisfaction. “I checked how well my post was doing right before you arrived.”

“And…?” Sam inquired. But, judging by the look on Bucky’s face he figured it was doing more than good.

“A hundred comments already! Definitely my new record!” He preened.

“Bet you didn’t even try to stay non-biased.” Sam casted him one of his _looks._

“Please, when it comes to Steve Rogers I’m physically unable to. My fingers won’t write anything that’s not pure praise. My brain won’t even process thoughts other than those practically worshipping his writing.”

“I mean…Fair enough. But — watch the video. Now.”

“Now? What’s it about? Because you sure ass hell can’t be so persistent on me watching it if it ain’t something that’d move me in a weird way.”

Sam smiled at him smugly. _Motherfucker_. “Just trust me.”

Bucky then pulled out his phone and opened the link Sam sent him last night. Before the thumbnail finally loaded (thanks to his shitty phone data crumbs because he’d used most of it on binging true crime series) the screen was black, save for the title: _Steve Rogers on the Late Night Show with Lily Mitchell._ Bucky paused the video before it had a chance to start playing. He looked at Sam, shocked expression painted on his face.

“Is this really him?”

Sam nodded, the smug smile never leaving his face. “Mhm.”

“Sam! I’m not ready! Oh my god! I need a minute.” Five seconds passed. “Okay, never mind, I’m good to go.”

“Are you, though?” Sam quietly muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” He smiled sweetly at Bucky. _Boy, he was so not ready._

The video played. Lily Mitchell smiled at the audience and introduced Steve as her next guest. The cheering was so loud Bucky had to lower down the volume. Then, the camera focused on a man dressed in a white sweater and dark jeans. _Okay, so he definitely wasn’t an old grandpa_. When he turned around, though, that’s when Bucky almost dropped his phone.

“You’re shitting me.” He whispered. “Sam…is…is that…?”

“Can bet my house on it.”

“Can’t be…” _Shocked_ wasn’t the right word to describe what exactly Bucky was feeling in that moment. Horrified? A bit, yeah. Wonderstruck? Definitely. He was feeling so much he couldn’t put that into words. Steve Rogers would be able to do that perfectly, not him.

Steve Rogers, with whom he apparently had chatted a few days ago. Whose dog he’d petted. Whose smile left him so dumbfounded he couldn’t move.

He looked at sam, horrified.

“I met Steve Rogers and didn’t know it.”

“Not only that, but you were also so astonished you spaced out!”

“Not helping.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first story where I know there'll be more chapters in the future! But please tell me if you want them? I honestly have no idea if anyone will be interested so let me know ❤️


	2. Am I crawling on my knees?

_I'll have you know that I have good and bad days_

_Come on now love, don't be naive_

“Yeah…Gimme a minute” He propped up his phone between his shoulder and ear, using both hands to quickly rummage through the mess he had on his desk. With a small sigh of triumph, he pulled out a notepad.

“Sure…” He muttered, quickly scribbling down everything. “Wait… Wait, hold on! A fifty page sample?! For Wednesday?!” Steve Rogers was slowly, but very surely starting to panic. “I haven’t even started! Or come up with the plot!”

The pencil he was holding was dangerously close to getting broken. Steve took a deep breath, doing his best to try to stay calm and slow down his quickening heart beat.

“Yes, okay. Fine. I’ll do my best.” With that, he ended the call.

Steve rested his elbows on the wooden desk and leaned his head between them, fingers harshly grabbing his golden hair. He huffed a frustrated sigh that sounded more like a sad whine.

Too much. Too fast. His new book came out three days ago and yet they wanted him to send a sample of another one? Were they expecting him to magically pull out of his ass fifty pages of something that wasn’t total garbage?

_Breathe in. Out. In. Out._

He wasn’t in the same place he used to be when his first book came out. The unexpected gigantic success of his novel gave him motivation to write the sequel (a very decent sequel, he may add) in mere months. But then, it was like everything that once kept him going wasn't that important all of a sudden. While writing _Haunted_ he was living off of ramen noodles, taking lukewarm (or sometimes ice cold) showers, writing college essays for twenty bucks and working in a small bookshop that’d soon go bankrupt. He barely made ends meet. And yet, looking back at those days, he was almost certain he’d been happier back then.

Five years ago he was about to propose to his then-girlfriend Peggy. Who now was happily married to someone who _definitely_ wasn't Steve Rogers, had a decent job somewhere in Manhattan, a child on the way and still sent him Christmas cards every year. And he was lonely.

_In. Out. In. Out. Don’t cry. Stop spiraling._

A loud notification pulled him out of his thoughts.

_from: my talented agent Nat_

_Steve… :( don’t be mad. I tried negotiating with them to let you have a few extra days but they’re insisting on Wednesday. You know how nasty these publishing companies can get. But if you can’t do it, that’s okay. Don’t stress about it. We can always let them go, I’m sure others will kill to have you. :)_

Steve smiled ruefully, eyes a little glassy but his breathing back to normal. He was about to reply when another text from Natasha popped up.

_from: my talented agent Nat_

_Oh and Steve… maybe try staying at home for a few days, okay?x Your Lily Mitchell appearance made way more noise than we expected. We have to wait until it dies down a bit. Clint (or I) can walk Baxter and get you your morning bagels._

Steve groaned. Amazing. So now he couldn’t even walk three blocks to without the risk of getting mobbed.

He opened up his laptop to try and coax himself into writing the first page of the new book. _The earlier you start the earlier you’ll finish._

Nothing.

He sighed, wrote the first two sentences and deleted everything a minute later. Resigned, he pulled up the twitter app on his phone to check if his interview had really caused such chaos. After scrolling through a seemingly endless stream of notifications he realised that yes, it indeed had.

_@naiveLorraine_ : _@Steve_Rogers I didn’tknow you were hot??????? wtf???????/_

He chuckled and gave this tweet a like. So what? It was pretty funny how everyone just assumed he’d look like a fifty year old going through a midlife crisis.

 _@Anne_thebookworm_ : _I honestly think this new @Steve_Rogers book may be the best thing I’ve ever read???? Am I the only one?_

Was his book really that good? Or were they just saying that to be nice? Or get him to notice them? How was he supposed to know? Were book reviews even still a thing?

“Let’s check this out shall we…” Steve muttered while googling _Steve Rogers Naive book review_. On top of the page there were links to two Youtube videos and one to a blog. Since he was an old soul he immediately clicked on the latter. Reading well-written book reviews used to be one of the things he did in his spare time back when he wasn’t a writer himself. He’d always admired those who managed to coherently express their thoughts on books without spoiling anything and still keeping the reader entertained. It really wasn’t as easy as it seemed. Making people invested enough in what you’re saying so that they really hear you out is one thing. But doing the same, only without the talking? Coercing them into willingly reading long paragraphs of just your thoughts? Only someone who has the most vibrant personality combined with a truly beautiful mind is able to do that.

The page finally loaded, revealing a blog painted in soft beiges. At the very top there was a big picture of a white cat peacefully sleeping next to a large pile of books with the blog’s name written on it. “ _I hate reading_? Really? That’s the name of a book-reviewing blog?” Steveasked himself incredulously as he began reading.

Thursday; 5:30AM

 _Today’s book’s coffee companion was a plain caramel latte. Nothing extraordinary because I didn’t have time for such trivial stuff. NOW y'all know shit’s about to get real!!! —_ Steve laughed quietly, liking how he could see the author’s personality discretely seeping through the post. — _This book, I swear… I’m sure you lot know just how badly I’d been anticipating its release. I really doubt something will ever top that feeling. (my future firstborn: I’m so sorry. Please stop reading. Daddy loves u). As you’re probably aware, I’m always trying to stay as much non-biased as I can while writing my reviews. But: I’m also 99.9% certain most of you already know I’m absolutely unable to do that when it comes to Steve Rogers._ — At that, Steve quirked an eyebrow, left corner of his mouth slowly pulling up into a smirk. — _Sue me. So what. I’m still pretty emotional in case you can’t tell, the book’s laying right next to me, still opened on the last page. Let’s get to it, yeah?_

The review was… long. Four pages long. The guy went into so much detail that even Steve found a new appreciation for his own books. The length of it wasn't by any means off-putting, though. In fact, Steve wished the author had written a bit more — the review was quite inquiring and — in many cases — funny and simply very entertaining. By the time Steve got to the last paragraph he’d laughed at least five times and was left a little teary-eyed because _wow_. He had no idea his writing could move a person in that many ways.

_So yeah… Quoting the great philosopher Gwyneth Paltrow: I laughed, I cried a number of times, I had many epiphanies. Fuck, it was brilliant. Do me a favour and read this book immediately. I promise you won’t regret it. Steve Rogers — thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you but I also kind of hate you since you made me cry at least ten times. And now I’m afraid to start reading again because you’ve absolutely ruined other books for me. So you better hurry and give me more!_

_Now, wish me luck because someone has to go survive uni on zero hours of sleep._

_Until next time,_

_James._

After that, Steve fell down a rabbit hole and started reading James’ other blog entries, starting from those about his books. Was it selfish to say that he especially was glad to see that only his books’ reviews were quite lengthy? And that he clearly was James’ favourite author? Maybe, maybe not. He then lurked some more to check if the guy had any other social media apart from the blog and that’s how he ended up on his twitter, drafting yet another failed attempt at thanking him for his very kind review. Finally, after tweeting something he was pleased he closed the app, came back to the still open new document and finally began creating a whole new universe.

It was yet another bad day. Lately, it seemed like those were the only ones Steve was allowed to have. But reading that four-page-long essay made it slightly more bearable. Just slightly, but it still was probably the happiest he’d been the whole week. It made him feel like maybe he wasn’t just a burned-out, miserable shadow of a person. Like there was way more to him than that.

***

_Marimba._

_Ding._

_Ding. Ding. Ding._

_Marimba one again. Ding._

Bucky groaned, turning on his other side and covering his ear with a pillow.

_Marimba once fucking again._

“Sam I swear to god if you ain’t dying…” He slowly sat up, rubbing at his tired eyes. Friday night drinking always ended the same and yet they all drank their weight in shots almost every week.

“I’m not dying.” Bucky was about to reply _then why in God’s name are you calling me at eleven in the early morning on Saturday when you KNOW I’m probably terribly hangover and cranky_ but before he had the chance Sam quickly added “-but you’re ’bout to.”

Bucky _very_ slowly sat up, weary of his still slightly spinning head. 

“Why?”

“Check your phone.” Sam was excited. There was no denying it, he always spoke way faster when something thrilled him. Or… maybe he just sounded as if he was talking faster because Bucky’s barely conscious and still-kinda-tipsy brain couldn’t process Sam’s words quick enough.

He looked at his phone. It was constantly blowing up with notifications from Twitter and he had no idea why. Well, he had a very vague idea.

“Fuck…. Sam, what controversial shit did my dumb drunk ass tweet this time?” He whined, putting his face in his hands, already preparing for the worst.

Sam snickered. “You didn’t tweet anything. You left your phone in the bathroom by the sink. So I put it on your nightstand, right next to a very much passed out you.”

“You’re an absolute angel.”

“Yeah, I know. Anyway, gotta go. I’m heading off to the gym ’cause I felt bad about sleeping off yet another Saturday while my membership card is slowly going to waste. But text me once you sort this whole twitter thing out."

Bucky grimaced even though he knew Sam couldn’t see him. “So glad I don’t have the same conscience. And yeah, I will. Bye, Adonis!”

He then sighed and looked at his phone, still held tightly in his grasp. Bucky went on Twitter to go through the absolute mess that were now his notifications, quickly clicking on the first one.

_@Kelsey_98: @JamesBB DUDE HOW ARE YOU FEELING RN???? BECAUSE I’VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER FOR SOMEONE I DIDN’T KNOW!!!!!_

Why was she so happy for him? Had he won a lottery and never had to work a day in his life anymore? Had a major publishing company offered him a sponsorship?

He scrolled through some more happy tweets and keyboard smashes, most confused he’d been in his whole life. Until he finally grasped what’d caused all of it.

_@Steve_Rogers: @JamesBB Thank you so much for your review. You’re too kind. You’ve lifted my spirit and assured me I’ve chosen the right path. Will be thinking of your words the next time I’m having a writer’s block to keep me grounded and remind me why I do what I do. xSR_

Bucky rubbed at his eyes. Hard. He then re-read the tweet five more times and yup, it really was directed at him. That was his Twitter handle. Right there. In that tweet. Written by Steve Rogers himself. At him, James Barnes.

_Holy fuck. He’d lifted Steve Rogers’ spirit. His words will help Steve Rogers with his writer’s block. THE Steve Rogers. The talented, absolutely brilliant Steve Rogers who knows Bucky exists and is thanking HIM for liking his book._

_@JamesBB: Is this the real life?_

_@JamesBB: Figuratively speaking… If someone wanted to give their firstborn a name that consisted ofexactly 51 words, would that be allowed?_

_@JamesBB: Fuck it imma find a way._

Yes, this was definitely the best day of his life. If the sole purpose of his existence was to make Steve Rogers happy, he’d die a happy man.

_to: SAM MY MAN_

_Hope you know what the best man’s duties are._

Sam responded ten seconds later.

_from: SAM MY MAN_

_Starting on my best man speech rn._

***

“Saaaaaam….” Bucky whined for the fifth time in the past two minutes. He poked the said man with a pen. Sam took a deep breath and finally turned to face him.

“What.”

Bucky leaned back against the headboard and sighed exasperatedly. They were sitting in his room,having what was supposed to be a study session. It wasn’t, but at least Sam tried. Bucky gave up after fifteen minutes, mind too occupied by other things. “How does one woo a man?”

“You’re not talking about Steve Rogers, are you?”

“Of course I’m talking about Steve Rogers! Who do you think I could possibly be talking about? That man…He’s a dream. One level above us, regular mortals.”

Sam looked up from his laptop, his economics essay long forgotten. He put it aside and turned his head to Bucky.

“Not to clip your wings or anything but… you do realise he’s a celebrity, right?”

Bucky huffed. “Yeah… that kinda complicates things a little.” He opened another pack of Cheetosbecause _fuck it I need some comfort food in these challenging times_.

“And,” Sam continued, apparently completely unbothered by the fact that he was currently ruining Bucky’s plans to magically woo Steve Rogers “because of that, you can’t really reach him. I mean, for all he knows you can sell him out.”

Bucky gasped, absolutely scandalised. “I would never!”

“I’m convinced. But would Steve Rogers’ publicist be convinced? I don’t think so. Besides,” Sam stole one of his cheetos and popped it into his mouth“how do you even know if he’s into guys?”

“I do not. But he doesn’t have to be into guys, he just has to be into me. Buckysexual. I can see it already — Steve Rogers DMs me, we talk, he sees my face, we talk some more, he falls in love.”

“And then you wake up!”

“Asshole.”

Sam laughed. Bucky frowned.

“You’re interested in Steve because you A. love the way his mind works because you adore his writing, B. got to know his personality a little from all the interviews you’ve read and watched and C. — I kinda feel like it’s the dealbreaker here — you’ve seen the way he looks. Admit it, you wouldn’t chase after a fifty year old balding dude.”

“Fair enough. I probably would’ve sent him a letter asking for an autograph or something. But now his looks are just the cherry on top, the icing on a cake. His face is just as beautiful as his mind! Also, I like the way he talks. He seems like a genuinely nice guy. ”

“I’m getting real concerned you’re falling for a guy you haven’t met.” Sam cringed and glanced at Bucky questioningly.

“Okay, let’s not get that carried away!”

The sigh of relief Bucky was met with was probably louder than he’d expected. He looked at hisfriend accusingly.

“You’ve never had celeb crushes, Sammy?”

“Yeah but definitely not to this extend! My JLaw fantasies were never this big, man!”

Bucky snorted. “Sure.”

“You never let me finish my original thought.”

“Which is…?”

Sam grabbed a fistful of cheetos and plopped them into his mouth all at once. He chewed for what felt like hours.

“Don’t leave me hanging, sunshine!” Bucky singsonged. Sam glared, still chewing.

“Okay, so.” He swallowed, finally done with the snacks.“As I was saying. You may know him, or at least think you know him. But he doesn’t know you. He’s just read one single piece you wrote on his book, maybe scrolled through some of your tweets. But that’s it. You don’t do interviews, Bucky. You’re not a celebrity. He doesn’t know enough to develop a crush on you, as harsh as that may sound.”

Sympathy. Sam was looking at him with sympathy. Those gentle, hazel eyes, now calmer than a winter night and more tender than petals were looking at Bucky as if he was a wounded animal.

“I know, I know. It’s just. Ugh.” He huffed. “I wish I could meet him, you know? To thank him in person and tell him how great he is.”

“Maybe he’ll do a fan signing?”

“I wish! But I really doubt that. He’s proper popular now. There’d be too many people.”

“Maybe focus on someone you know instead? Try crushing on, I don’t know, Aaron maybe?”

Bucky looked at him, puzzled. “Aaron?”

“The one guy who sat next to you on out Tuesday lectures?”

Still puzzled.

“The cute, blonde one? In a denim jacket?” Sam tried again.

“Oh! I think I know which guy you mean! Why him?”

Sam shrugged. “He kinda seemed into you. Blushed like crazy every time you so much as looked in his direction.”

“He did? I didn’t notice.”

“Because you were too busy refreshing your e-mail to check if they’d sent you that book.”

“Ahh… the brilliant Steve Rogers book.” Bucky sighed dreamily. Sam hit him with a pillow.

“Fuck, this is pointless.”

***

It was late, probably somewhere between nine and ten. The night was calm, the air cool on his skin. You could barely see the stars, but that wasn’t so unusual. It was Brooklyn, after all, the multiple street lights too bright for them to be visible on the night sky.

Bucky was on his way home from the library. He was too determined to get all his work done before leaving, getting too caught up in finishing his essay to notice how late it was getting. His favourite cafe was still open, about half an hour left until the closing.

“Don’t mind if I do!” Bucky quietly muttered, already opening the front door and heading towards the barista.

“Medium vanilla latte, please. To go.” He searched his pockets for whatever change he had laying around, putting it on the counter. “Thanks.” He smiled and waited for his coffee to be ready. No rush. He had all the time in the world not that his uni work was done. _Self-care time_.

Steve was tired. Tired of having to sit in his house fifth day in a row, tired of not being able to go walk his own dog from the fear of getting mobbed, tired of not having any proper human interaction, tired of not breathing the fresh air. It was really late, he’d reasoned. No one wanted to just go wander around the neighbourhood at night.

So he grabbed Baxter’s leash and decided to head out.

It wasn’t quiet. Brooklyn was never quiet, no matter the time. But it was peaceful. The sounds of the street combined with the soft whistle of the wind were weirdly soothing. The lights in most bars and cafes were still on, nightlife slowly starting.

He decided to take a different turn, wanting to explore whatever interesting was on the street he’d never picked for his walks and found himself standing in front of a dimly-lit cafe.

There weren’t many people there — five, to be exact. Including the barista. They were scattered around the small space, three of them sitting on the plush red sofas and one man standing by the counter, doing something on his phone. Steve couldn’t seem to look away from him. The guy was dressed in a comfy looking hoodie, a big messenger bag slung over his shoulders. And yet he looked so… beautiful. His sharp jawline covered in five o’clock stubble, prominent cheekbones, relaxed posture. Steve’s fingers itched to write something about him. A poem, a novel, anything. He was just so captivating. The guy smiled at whatever he’d seen on his phone and Steve felt the corners of his mouth lift up a little. He knew he had to go, it was only a matter of time before someone noticed a guy staring creepily though the window. But he felt rooted to the spot.

The man grabbed his coffee and headed towards the exit. Steve quickly turned the other way and heard footsteps right behind him, which then slowly faded away until he couldn’t hear them anymore.

On his way home he silently prayed the man was a regular and that someway, by miracle, he’d see him in that cafe again.

New walking route? Set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I've been quite busy with uni and just life-stuff in general :) Tell me your thoughts? I'd love to chat!


	3. Here I'm calling

_Lay out our cards and you’ll see all my mistakes_

_Well, I don’t mind while you’re with me_

Three weeks had passed since he saw the beautiful stranger.

His new book draft was now roughly a hundred pages long. Since his trilogy was now completely finished he’d decided to start off fresh and create something completely new. Despite pouring his whole heart into creating the special _Haunted_ universe, he’d grown quite bored of it. Yes, he loved these characters dearly. But _god damn was he bored_.

The inspiration seemed to be coming out of nowhere but deep down Steve knew what was really the source of it. _Standing there, relaxed yet perfectly aware of his surroundings. His hair messy, the five o’clock stubble visible in the dim light of the cafe. And yet he could put all Greek statues to shame,_ he’d written in the ending paragraph of chapter one. Was it sad that he was basically basing an entire character off of a stranger he’d seen once? Maybe. Yeah, probably. He didn’t care.

After a whole month of not seeing the stranger the sudden inspiration seemed to come to an end. He’d been walking past the cafe way more often now, even stopping there a few times to order something. Turns out the stranger had, unknowingly, introduced him to one of the best coffee places he’d been to. But each time he’d passed the cafe, the man wasn’t there. He couldn’t camp in front of the place, that was way too low even for a desperate almost-stalker like him. But, he got stuck. And the lack of inspiration, the horrible writer’s block, was a force to be reckoned with.

Which is why he decided to challenge his luck once again. And Wednesday afternoon was when the heavens above had finally decided to have mercy on him.

Steve was on his way home from Nat’s place. She lived nearby and he’d always preferred walking rather than taking the tube or driving. The crisp, late autumn air was getting colder and colder nowso he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt on, golden hair no longer visible. He was getting shivery.

Hot chai latte seemed like the perfect idea.

He went in, the line of six people before him giving him lots of time to decide what to get. Stevewas reading all milk options ( _Soy, oat, rice, coconut, almond… How the hell am I supposed to know which one’s the best?_ ) when he felt someone stand beside him. _Poor barista, even more customers._

In the corner of his eye he saw the familiar messenger bag and almost did a double take.

_Now’s your chance, Rogers. Do something._

But he couldn’t. He was rooted to the spot, still eyeing the stupid board behind the counter. If inanimate objects could talk, Steve was sure as hell all milks were laughing at him now.

“You should get the soy one. Coffee with almond milk tastes like shit. I should know, I’ve learned it the hard way.”

Steve turned to his right so quickly he almost got a whiplash, the hood slipping off his head in the process. The stranger’s face appeared tobe… dumbfounded? His stormy eyes intensely focused on Steve’s face, mouth slightly open.

“Really? It doesn’t sound so bad.” He said, smiling and hoping the beautiful stranger won’t hear his hammering heart.

The stranger seemed to relax a little. “Yeah. Worst four dollars spent. That’s three packets of ramen noodles in college student currency. All wasted on nasty coffee.”

“ _Top Ramen_ or _Cup Noodles_?” Steve asked, his smile broadening. The stranger returned it, eyes twinkling. _God, up close and smiling he was even prettier._

“Team _Top Ramen._ ” The stranger answered and then seemed to ponder over something. “Didn’t take you for a ramen noodles guy.” At Steve’s questioning gaze he quickly backtracked “It came out so wrong, oh god. I’m sorry.”

Steve could see him panicking and _please don’t panic I really don’t want you to be distressed over me and ramen noodles you literally can do no wrong in your life ever._

He was still smiling at the stranger as he answered “I lived off of them in college and I kinda live off of them now. I mean, now I’m also the twelve-dollar Pad Thai kind of guy but I try to not forget about my roots, you know.” The pretty stranger laughed. _What a beautiful sound_. _And Steve was the cause of it. He felt a thrill rushing down his spine._ “I also just really like their artificial taste.”

“Yeah, feels like you’re eating the whole periodic table along with them.” Now Steve was the one laughing. The stranger continued, “Still, there’s nothing better than these cheap ass noodles after lectures.”

The line was down to two people now. Thankfully, the girl was taking ages to decide on her coffee. Steve had never been more happy to wait.

“What’re you majoring in?” He asked, trying to get the best of his time with the man.

“Engineering. Feels appropriate to ask about you but I kinda already know.” He answered with a sheepish smile, cheeks getting a little rosy.

Steve smirked. “You do now, huh?” The man’s blush only deepened.

“Now we’re even, I guess.” He said, shuffling and moving along with the line, which was now down to one person and the woman seemed to be leaving. _Oh no_.

“But we’re not, tough.” Steve said with a glint in his eyes before turning to the barista and ordering a _Chai latte on soy milk, extra sugar please_.

“How so?” The stranger’s answering smile was… flirtatious? Or was he just imagining things?

“I still don’t know your name. And you certainly know mine.” Steve said, the playful smirk back on his face. He never used the celebrity card but now? It was so, so worth it if it meant he’d get to see the rosy flush coating the stranger’s face once more.

He seemed to think about his answer for a moment. “Call me Bucky.”

His latte was now all ready. Steve grabbed it, trying his best to hide the disappointment at their conversation coming to an end. He didn’t wanna bother the stranger in case he was just making polite conversation, wasn’t interested or had somewhere else to go. Even though he wanted to bother him _so badly._

“It was really nice meeting you, Bucky.” He said, turning towards the exit.

Bucky’s smile was small, almost rueful when he answered “You too, Steve.”

***

“Dude you better say you’re kidding. You say you’re kidding and maybe, just maybe, I’ll forget about whopping your ass.”

Bucky looked at Sam, accusingly. “Now why would you do that?” He cried out. “I just told you the best thingthat’s ever happened to me in my whole twenty-three years of life and you’re saying you wanna whoop my ass?!”

“I do, yeah.” Sam’s face didn’t even flinch. “Why, _why_ didn’t you take his number or anything?”

Bucky threw his arms up. “How?” He huffed, turning the corner to head towards his next lecture ( _Mathematical analysis. The devil herself._ ) “He’s a celebrity, Sam. It’s not like he wants to befriend some random dude from a cafe just because they have a shared passion for _Top Ramen_.”

“You can always shoot your shot, though.” Sam shrugged.

“And make an absolute clown of myself in front of my biggest inspiration and celeb crush? No thank you!”

Sam was just about to answer when they felt someone approach them. The tall, blonde guy with curls that made him look like a cupid was panting quietly, trying to catch his breath.

“Hey guys!” He beamed, quickly averting his gaze in Bucky’s direction. Sam tried his best to muffle a laugh that was dangerously close to escaping his throat.

“Aaron.” Bucky tried to keep his voice neutral. He liked the guy, yes, but _now was not the time dammit Aaron._

Aaron started walking with them, positioning himself right in the middle. His tone was playful when he asked “Whatcha talking about?”

“Nothing.” Both Sam and Bucky replied simultaneously. Aaron gave them a suspicious glance but shrugged.

“Where are ya headin’?”

“Just walking Bucky to his next lecture. I’m done for the day.” Even without looking at Sam you could hear the smile that was painted on his face. Freedom.

“I’ll walk with you!” Aaron replied cheerfully, tagging along with them. Platinum blonde curls gently bouncing on his head, green eyes glinting with happiness that Bucky had no idea where it came from. He looked pretty. Beautiful, maybe. There was something both boyish and delicate about him. Maybe, just maybe if Bucky hadn’t been so focused on his quickly developing crush on a _fucking unreachable celebrity_ he would’ve done something about it.

“You don’t have to, really.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble. Pleasure walking with such beautiful people!” His eyes lingered on Bucky’s face just a tad too long for it to count as an accident. Bucky’s social battery was draining dangerously quickly, though. As much as he appreciated this weird-but-kinda-nice dude’s company, it was past 3pm and he still had one more lecture to go. Tired was an understatement.

He still had ten more minutes of break when Allie, _the cute girl from Sam’s economics class that he was totally crushing on_ , walked right past them, catchingSam’s attention. Sam didn’t even look the tiniest bit apologetic when he quickly said “Gotta go”, completely ignoring Bucky’s pleading looks and trying to catch up with Allie. Bucky noticed how his face light up when he looked at the brunette who was holding a pile of heavy looking books. He couldn’t make the titles but he could hear Sam saying “let me help you with that” as they walked further away.

“He’s good with the ladies, isn’t he?” Aaron said, peering up at Bucky.

“Yeah.” _Sam when will you teach me?_

“Does he wanna ask her out or something?”

Bucky shrugged. “Yeah, probably.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?” He looked at the blonde with a puzzled expression.

“Do you have anyone you wanna ask out?”

Oh.

Bucky stopped to think for a moment about what he should answer.

“Uhh…I mean, kinda?” He almost didn’t notice Aaron’s smile slightly faltering. He quickly recovered. 

“I’m assuming you don’t really wanna talk about that.”

Bucky shot him a grateful smile. “Not really at the moment, no.”

“Then how ’bout we talk about about Sam’s crush?” The blonde’s grin was now a bit devilish. Bucky slowly returned it, saying “Always up for a chat about Sam’s love life!”

***

“And you just left?”

Natasha slurped on her milkshake and looked at Steve from across the table in the small booth theywere sitting in.

“Yup.”

“Just like that?”

Steve fiddled with his straw as he intently studied his own milkshake.

“Mhm.”

Natasha sighed, leaning forward and putting her head in her hands, elbows propped up on the old, wooden table. “Steven Grant I swear….”

“What? It’s not like he wouldn’t’ve labeled me as the biggest creep!”

She slurped some more, the strawberry milkshake quickly disappearing. “God, you’re so overdramatic.”

Stevesighed, shoulders slumping.“Yeah, I am. I panicked, I guess.”

Natasha shot him a questioning look. Steve seemed to shrink in his seat, suddenly feeling like a helpless teenager once again. “What if he’d be uncomfortable? If he wanted to decline but was scared since I’m, well…” He blushed, ducking his head down and lowering his voice slightly. “Famous?” He toyed with the straw more.“Or worse, didn’t decline even though he wanted to and then if we were to go out he’d do it not because he’s interested but because he didn’t want me getting mad at him or something?”

Natasha looked at him, green eyes softening. She covered his hand with hers and squeezed gently.

“Steve… you’re selling yourself short here. Don’t do that.”

“I am?”

She smiled sadly. “Yeah, you are. You’re a really nice guy. You’re one of the rare cases where your looks actually match your personality. The full package, you know the drill.” Steve’s blush only deepened but there was a small smile etched on his face. “I’m sure the guy didn’t get those nasty vibes from you. You’re way too harsh on yourself.”

“Maybe you’re right. But Nat, it’s like I couldn’t come up with _anything_ at that moment. I was stuck. There it was, the perfect opportunity and I completely blew it.”

“You did make him blush, though.” She pointed out. “And got his name. That’s a success.”

“I think _Bucky_ ’s a nickname, though.”

“Aw, we can’t stalk him, then.” Natasha sighed in resignation and leaned back in her seat.

“Sadly.” Steve was way past admitting he was above stalking. He wasn’t. Especially when it concerned someone like Bucky.

“You can always tweet something about him, you said the guy knew who you were so chances are he’ll see it.”

“No, I can’t do that. I won’t do that to him. I don’t mind people snooping around my social media and exploiting my life for the sake of a bunch of Buzzfeed quizzes. But his? No, I can’t.”

Natasha smiled at him softly. Steve Rogers and his golden, pure heart. “I know. We gotta think of something else, though.”

“Any ideas?” Steve’s eyes could pierce right to the very core of her being. He looked _so hopeful_. Like a joyful golden retriever. Natasha’s heart clenched with the sudden urge to assure him that _yes I will do anything to make you happy._

“Let me think…” She reached out and grabbed Steve’s abandoned milkshake. “How much time until you’re done with the new book?”

Steve pursed his lips in thought, quietly humming. “Hm… I think they gave me like a month or so.”

The redhair winced. “Is this enough time? Are you overworked? Steve, you gotta tell me.”

Steve, a little alarmed at her look of concern, smiled gently and tried his best to reassure her. “I’m fine, Nat. Seriously. The new book’s coming together quite fast. Maybe ’cause it’s a completely new plot, new characters. It’s easier to write.”

Natasha still didn’t seem to be fully convinced but for the sake of Steve she decided to drop the subject. “So… how about you do some promo for this book?”

Steve lifted his eyebrows at that. “Promo?”

“Yes, promo. The book’s going to be published relatively soon anyway so we might as well try to give it some extra promo.”

“But why? Not to sound cocky or anything but I don’t think I really need some book promo at thispoint.”

The smirk on Natasha’s face was small but enough for Steve to know she was definitely up tosomething.

“I don’t think you’re picking up what I’m putting down but that’s okay, I’ll explain.” She inched her face a little closer to Steve’s, voice lowering. Steve leaned in, curious. “This book introduces a completely new universe, right? Might as well get people interested in it before it comes out.”

Steve’s inquisitive eyes met hers. “What are you suggesting?”

“I say we release parts of the first chapter. One by one, until the whole first chapter is released, let’s say…. three months before the official book release. It’ll keep them intrigued, they’ll wanna know what happens next.”

“That’s an amazing idea for the book release and building up the hype, yeah. Can’t believe we haven’t thought of it sooner. But….” Steve frowned. “How is this gonna help with my _Buckysituation_?”

“In which chapter is the Bucky-inspired character introduced?”

“Somewhere at the end of the first one. Kinda ends on a cliffhanger.”

“Even better.” Natasha grinned. “You said he knew who you were. Chances are that — if he’s not already one of your readers — he _will_ be interested in what you’re up to solely because of the fact that he’s met you in person. So if the buzz around chapter one is big enough, he’ll notice it. People will speculate, share their theories — including the ones surrounding the character you based off of him. He’ll get interested, he’ll read. He’ll fall in love with you.”

“Isn’t it simpler to just go to the coffee and hope I’ll see him again?”

“It literally took you a month to bump into him again.”

“Point taken.”

“Besides,” Natasha leaned back in her seat, now slurping the remnants of Steve’s milkshake. “Aman should appreciate the extra efforts one puts into asking him out. Extra efforts such as, you know, dedicating a whole ass book character to him.”

“How will he know the character is inspired by him, though? I don’t know all that much about himas a person so maybe the hints won’t be enough.” Steve sighed, reaching out for his milkshake and only then realising it’s gone.

“Then change the end of the chapter a little. I’m assuming you’ve already included his looks so maybe try to add something specific you’ve learned about him from your conversation?”

“And assuming he does read it… how will he find me?”

Natasha groaned, throwing her hands up in the air in mock-surrender. “God, Steve. I don’t know. He’ll tweet at you, he’ll camp in front of the goddamn cafe, he’ll contact the publishing company. I have no idea. What matters is that you’ll have made the first move by then. Stop worrying about everything, I’m sure things will work out just fine.”

Steve smiled at her and the sun seemed to shine just a little brighter. “You’re right. Fuck it, let’s give it a try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned for this fic to be 4 chapters long but I don't think I'll fit everything I want into just one chapter haha x As always - tell me your thoughts! I really love reading them :)
> 
> ((also sorry if there are any mistakes, it's super late!!))


	4. In the hope that you'll see me

_This voice inside of me has lost its breath_

_It's far too tired to sing at ease_

“You seem kinda down.” Was what Sam finally said, three minutes into the lecture. Bucky had been uncharacteristically quiet, sitting beside him but not joining him and Aaron in their weirdly animated conversation about _The Good Place_. And he _loved_ the show. Eleanor Shellstrop was basically his soulmate. He was fully convinced that if she was real they would’ve been best friends.

“Yeah, no shit.” Bucky regretted these words as soon as they left his mouth. But before Sam could say anything, he quickly added “Sorry. Rough night, ’s all.”

He was met with a pair of questioning eyes and raised eyebrows, a silent request prompting him to go on.

“Just… you know…sad stuff.” He mumbled while trying his best to focus on the slides theprofessor was currently talking about. Anything to get his mind off of _things_ and Sam off his back so he wouldn't get more worried that he already probably was.

“Sad stuff?”

“Yes. Nothing serious, though.” Bucky smiled at him weakly.

Sam didn’t look too convinced and his frown only deepened.

“You sure?” He tone was now gentle, so very gentle Bucky wanted to cry. Again.

But he only nodded.

“Hundred percent.”

“If you change your mind you know I’m here.” With that, Sam pulled his backpack onto his lap, rummaging through it for a while. Bucky figured he was probably looking for a pen or gum but then he finally pulled out a chocolate bar, carefully sliding it across the small pull-out table in Bucky’s direction.

Bucky had to ask but was already sure of the answer. “You’ve brought two?”

Sam just smiled, brown eyes kind, their usual teasing nowhere to be found.

“I’ve read chocolate makes you happy. Not sure if Buzzfeed is a credible source but it’s worth a try. Unless you got a better idea?”

He didn’t. Talking about it was definitely out of question— at least not there, where everyonecould see him cry. And he sure as hell was gonna. He’d had a bad day, then a bad night, everything was just so shitty and he was _tired_.

Bucky peeled the wrapping open, split the bar in two and gave Sam the other half of the bar.

He honestly had no idea what came over him yesterday. But the day was just _so shitty._ The all-nighter he pulled to study for his mathematical analysis exam was for nothing, the questions so difficult he might as well had handed the answer sheet empty. It rained so the subway was more crowded than ever, with some creepy dude staring at him the whole ride. He was completely soaked by the time he got home and he didn’t even finish kicking his shoes off when he got a text from hislandlord saying that his rent was due. _Believe me, George, I know. I haven’t had takeaway in two weeks and have been living off of those goddamn noodles and toasts for god knows how long. Don’t shit your pants, you’ll get your coins in time you greedy capitalistic fuck._

_Ping._

“Fuck off, what now?” He muttered, looking at his phone once again.

_New Reminder: Thermodynamics exam Monday 9AM_

_He_ _re it goes, here it fucking goes._ Bucky thought to himself. The misery spiral full of anxiety and sorrow was starting its spin once again. Because one bad thing happening wasn’t enough, no. What was it that this John Green book he’d read in middle school said? _Life screwed you over like you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once._ Or something like that. Didn’t matter. 

He tried to focus on studying, he really did. But he was cold, sleep-deprived, motivation-deprived and pretty sure he was starting to get sick if the occasional shivers and a sore throat were anything to go by. And then, when he couldn’t read the textbook anymore because the letters were getting more and more blurry with every passing minute, he inhaled sharply and that was it. The dam broke.

Life was shit, his parents were across the country, his sister somewhere in Europe, he didn’t wanna bother Sam because he was pretty sure his best friend was on a date, his grades were dropping despite him pouring his heart and soul into understanding those _fucking impossible_ subjects in thisnightmare of a course and he was just… so alone… so lonely and still subconsciously pining after _a goddamn celebrity, really Barnes, really_?

How was he ever gonna find love if he wasn’t interested in anyone? Aaron was right there, all sweet and pretty and yet Bucky still felt absolutely zero attraction towards him. Sam’d finally found someone that deserved him, Aaron would most definitely move on from his crush on Bucky and find someone as precious as the curly-haired Apollo lookalike himself. And he’d just… be thereand watch it happen. Because apparently everyone was capable of finding love but him.

Stupid celeb crushes didn’t count, even if his heart was beating a hundred miles per hour when he was talking to Steve Rogers three weeks ago in that cafe. It wasn’t just because he’d admired the man’s work and writing genius for years. Bucky rarely got flustered, it took a lot to make him blush. And yet, there he was, the apples of his cheeks rosy red, mouth curved up in a shy smile.

But his life wasn’t a _Netflix original_ and Steve Rogers was most certainly not going to magically fall in love with him. It honestly was a lot that he even looked in Bucky’s direction and talked to him. Bucky knew he should be grateful for that and he was. He really, really was.

But.

Steve was everything he dreamed him to be and more. Effortlessly charming, pretty as a picture, kind, humble and just so easy to talk to. Now that Bucky knew what it was like to actually have a conversation with him, he couldn’t help but want to get to know the man whose beautiful mind he had been admiring for years more.

So he was lonely, miserable, overworked, tired _and_ had a hopeless crush he could do nothingabout. The one time his stupid heart decided to focus on someone it just _had to_ be a loved-by-millions celebrity. _God, this is so unfair._

***

After the last lecture Bucky politely declined Sam’s offer to go for a drink saying he wasn't feel well. Which, technically wasn’t a lie. Sam, still very obviously mother-hen-like concerned decided to drop it for Bucky’s sake.

That’s how he found himself in his bedroom sitting on the bed, comforter pulled up all the way to his neck, alone once again with his laptop opened on the Netflix homepage.

Why was he pushing people away?

He scrolled mindlessly through his _to-watch_ list, paying zero attention to the movie descriptions he was reading. Then, he grabbed his phone from the nightstand and decided to open Twitter to ask his followers for some recommendations.

His attention was quickly snatched by something else, though. People on the timeline were freaking out about something, tweeting what appeared to be book quotes and generally being way more active on the app than usual.

It took him a minute to find the cause of this small chaos. 

_@Steve_Rogers: This may come off as quite surprising but…My new book’s being edited right now, it’s probably gonna get published in the near future. What can I say, I got inspired :) It’s somethingcompletelynew. How are wefeeling about reading a little snippet of the first chapter every week?_

Now this… this was not expected.

***

Sunday; 9:30PM

_I know y’all’ve been waiting for it. Don’t deny it._

_The first few pages of Steve Roger’s new book are out and, well… You know the feeling when you’ve finished drinking your caramel frappé and you liked it so much you immediately wanna order another one but you have negative two dollars on your bank account so you’re just left there craving more but can’t do anything about it? Yeah…_

_Not gonna lie, I had to remind myself a few times: “This is NOT the Haunted universe!” while reading this snippet for the first time (first time because I’ve lost count how many times I’ve read that already but I’m sure y’all ain’t surprised). But honestly? The fact that that’s not in any way affiliated with that trilogy is what makes_ Wait For Me _so refreshing and unique. I’m already in love with the main character. I mean, a tiny and frail but also fierce and sarcastic guy? Come here, Angsty Tinkerbell, and let me kiss your face. Also, can we talk about the fact that the book’s set pre-war? Seems like Steve Rogers put a lot of research into everything because you really feel like you’ve been teleported in time. Kudos to him, but are we surprised? Everything this man touches turns to gold._

_I really can’t wait to see how this story unwraps, I feel like we’re in for a ride. Steve Rogers, thank you for blessing us, mere mortals, with your heavenly work once again._

_See you soon,_

_James_

***

_@JamessBB: Steve Rogers if you’re reading this are you free thursday night cause i’m free thursday night let’s hang out on thursday night if you’re free cause i’m free on thursday night when we can hang out if you’re free-_

_@JamesBB: yes i do the cookingyes i do the cleaning_

_***_

What Bucky decided not to mention in his new post was that the main character seemed to be very attached to his worn-out messenger bag that most definitely held some sort of significance to him. Which, as he’d deducted from the shirt description, was kind of similar to the one he always carried around. Weird coincidence, but then again you can’t get very original when it comes to messenger bags. _Stop your delusion, dude. Let it go._

Which is what Sam told him, albeit little kinder.

“It’s just a bag, man. A quite common accessory, used by plenty of people,” he said, a little out of breath. The weather was pretty, the park was even prettier, there weren’t really any cons to his _Drag Bucky along for his morning jog_ plan. Apart from Bucky’s pathetic groans of protest, that is.

“I knooow.” He was now whining like a five year old, perfectly aware that Sam was right. Still, that didn’t stop him. “Sam, if you’re my best friend you’ll let me live in my little fantasy.” Bucky was now panting, probably on the verge ofa cardiac arrest. Honestly, how could Sam do this so easily? Fuck off.

“A real best friend wouldn’t let his friend pine over a celebrity and become a proper wingmaninstead. Speaking of which, how’re things with Aaron?”

Bucky scoffed. “If this is a part of your _proper wingman_ plan then sorry to break it to you, dude, but it ain’t working.” 

They finished the lap, hunched over with their hands propped on their knees, panting.

After they caught their breaths and drank water to the very last droplet, Sam looked at Bucky questioningly.“Why? I thought he was your type?”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m not interested and he knows that.”

After the short break they started power-walking, heading back to the park’s exit.

“You said he’s gonna release some more snippets, right?” Bucky nodded. “If by miracle you’re right, then you’re probably gonna find some more Bucky-related tings.”

But instead of giving Sam a hopeful look, Bucky’s shoulders slumped. He sighed, “You’re right, it sounds dumb. Maybe I should go back on tinder to get my mind off of this stupid crush.”

Before Sam could respond, Bucky’s phone pinged with a notification. He pulled it our of his jacket pocket and his eyes widened not even two seconds later.

 _@Steve_Rogers: Have a great weekend everyone! [link:_ _Snippet2_ _]_

“What is it?”

Bucky handed his phone over to him.

“You turned on his Twitter notifs just for him?”

“Duh. Now, excuse me for a moment.” Bucky sat on the nearest bench, Sam right next to him. They still hadn’t left the park. There was a tiny pond with a few ducks nearby, a few children feeding them what looked like seeds of some sort.

After a while of listening to the laughter around them, Sam broke the silence.

“And? Any Bucky-related content?”

Bucky grinned. “Nope. I don’t think so.”

“Then why are you grinning?”

“Because,” Bucky couldn’t contain his excitement “the main character has a crush! What a relatable king.”

Sam laughed, looking up at the bright blue sky. “Who’s the crush?”

“His best friend!”

Sam looked at Bucky with fake sympathy, putting his hand over his chest. “James, if you have anything to confess…”

Bucky hit him in the arm. “You wish, asshole.”

Sam laughed. _Asshole_.

“We still don’t know if his best friend is a guy or a girl. Or should I say: a _dame_. I could be reading a whole ass book on a pre-war gay love story!”

“Did he say anything about the best friend?”

“Only that their cheekbones could cut a bitch and that their eyes are like _the morning sky after a night full of rain._ ”

“So … grey.” Sam said slowly. “Couldn’t he just say _grey_? Dramatic ass.”

Bucky looked at him with disdain. “You simple-minded bitches disgust me.”

“Not to contribute anything to your fairytale but grey eyes and sharp cheekbones kinda do describe you, not gonna lie.”

“I mean…” he shrugged, “You’re right.”

Bucky then paused, a slow smirk forming on his mouth. “I’m totally gonna keep picturing Steve Rogers having a hopeless crush on me.Him, getting caught up daydreaming about me, him-” Sam winced, muttering a soft _please don’t,_ “drawing my name in a heart that he’s sketched in an old notebook that he found laying around somewhere in his apartment, him talking about me to his friends,” _man now you’re just making me sad,_ “him asking me out and then us dating and then him proposing to me somewhere on our vacation in rural France.”

Sam figured there was no use in trying to get his point across. What’s done is done. _Fuck it, might as well go with it._ “And who am I in your lovely fairytale?”

Bucky grinned.

“Though I’d love to cast you as the Wicked Witch or Lord Farquaad, I feel like as my best friend it’s your duty to be my best man and give a wedding toast that’s gonna make me bawl.”

***

“I really hope he’s reading these.”

Natasha let him through the door to her small apartment. “Hello to you too, Steven.”

Steve went straight to the couch and plopped down with an exasperated huff.

“I mean, I could always say _fuck it_ and just tweet something like _Bucky from the cafe if you’rereading this can you please slide into my DMs I’m getting real desperate over there_ but I can already see the Buzzfeed articles and hundreds of messages from people who pretend to be him.”

Natasha sat beside him, propping her legs up on the coffee table, and _was that a Margarita in herhand?_

“Rogers. Give it time. From what you’ve said, he’s a smart guy. He’ll figure it out.”

“But even if he does… How is he gonna find me to tell me that?”

Natasha took a sip of her tequila drink, taking time to form her thoughts.

“You’ve already bumped into him twice, right? So he either visits the place nearby quite frequently, maybe his uni? Or just lives somewhere near that cafe.”

Steve hummed. “He said he’s majoring in engineering. Is there a mechanics department near that place?”

“Dude, now how am _I_ supposed to know that? Do I look like someone who’s any good at math stuff?”

“I honestly don’t know whether you want me to say _yes_ or _no_.”

Natasha smirked. “Smart.” She stood up while muttering _Hang on_ and left to look for something in her bedroom.

Steve waited for a few seconds until she came back, laptop in one hand, the charger in the other.

“Oh boy.”

“Now, my dear friend,” she returned to her place on Steve’s right, “it’s time for a _Deep Dive with Nat_. I’m about to go all spy up on this bitch.”

“I mean…” Was he _that_ desperate? “Do what you have to do.” He was.

Natasha quickly opened her laptop. The room was quiet, save for the clicking of the mouse and the sound of her fingers swiftly moving across the keyboard.

“His deeprtment is,” She turned the device towards Steve “exactly a five minute walk from the cafe. Three if you’re running.”

“So he has to be in that area at least a few times a weak.” Steve muttered, eyes still locked on the Google Maps page on the screen. “It would be creepy if I just happened to walk past that block every other day, wouldn’t it?”

Natasha winced, her Margarita now completely gone. “Well… If you feel like a desperate loser, that’s fine. But if you behave like one? Now that’s a whole other thing. As your friend _and_ your agent I just can’t let that happen.”

“You’re right. I just… what if I don’t see him again?” he said, trying to not let the hopelessness that now burned deep in his heart reach the surface.

“Is there anything else you can do? Honestly, Steve. You’re a celebrity, you can’t just blast his name out to the public eye, we both know that. You don’t know his full name so you can’t look him up on Facebook, either. You don’t have his phone number, you-”

“Okay, okay! I get it!” He huffed, annoyed. Not with Natasha — with himself. _Why didn’t you ask for this stupid goddamn phone number you utter imbecile?_

She looked at him, her jade eyes warmer, a soft smile slowly etching onto her face. “You said he might be a fan. Is there any better way of showing you’re into him than dedicating him a whole character?”

“You have a point.”

“I always do.”

“I just hope he’s picking up what I’m putting down. Hope the clues aren’t too vague or something.”

“Then make them bolder as the chapter unravels.”

“I’ll try.”

***

 _Bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark_ sang Lorde in his earphones and all Bucky could think was _well, Lorde, there’s nothing to rue if you haven’t done that. Oh how I wish I could kiss my writer in the dark. Or in the light. Doesn’t matter._

He stayed up late and didn’t leave the campus until the guard told him he had to lock it. It was okay, though. The next day’s morning lectures were canceled, the professor sending everyone an email saying _Sorry everyone. I have flu. Stupid November weather. See you soon, hopefully. — sent from my iPhone._ That’s why Bucky allowed himself to go home a little later than originally planned and stayed at the campus to finish his work on the project. He had a good feeling about this. Finally something he understood and actually enjoyed doing.

It was dark and cold outside. And — just like the treacherous sirens would lure their victims with their beautiful voices, he felt the white chocolate mocha lure him from the coffee shop three blocks away. He was only human.

With Lorde still singing to him softly he zoned out, absentmindedly walking to the place he always chose when it came to wasting money.

Steve walked past Bucky’s campus once, out of pure curiosity. It was the middle of the day and he was on his way to meet up with the publishing company. He did spot Bucky — far away, standing near the entrance of a large brick building, surrounded by a group of, presumably, his friends. Steve didn’t want to cause a scene by running across the campus full of students and attracting unwantedattention to both him and Bucky. So he sighed dreamily and watched from afar.

Apart from the pretty brunette, he also did miss drinking fancy coffee. He had been so focused on finishing the book on time he didn’t really have time to wander to the cafe. And he definitelywasn’t ashamed to admit that he found himself really enjoying the various flavours and weird combinations. _Extra vanilla syrup_ here and _caramel drizzle_ there. He loved it.

Thank god Natasha didn’t live on the other side of the city and only a few blocks away. Having to take his mind off of things for a while he'd decided to take her up on her offer to cook him dinner and watch some dumb comedies together. Maybe he stayed up later than he’d expected but honestly? It was so worth it. And the fact that his precious, favourite coffee shop was on the way home was merely a tiny bonus. 

He walked into the cafe and headed straight to the counter. This time — Rooibos Tea Latte with vanilla syrup. There were still quite a few people ahead of him in the queue so he decided to passthe extra time by scanning the room for unoccupied sofas and chairs. He found none.

But he did find a certain someone sprawled across a red, plush couch, coffee on the small table and a thick book laying beside it. He didn’t pay any attention to it, though, opting to do something on his phone instead.

Steve pulled out his own phone and quickly shoot a text to Natasha.

_to: my talented agent Nat_

_CODE RED I REPEAT CODE READ!!!!! HE’S AT THE CAFE!!!ON HIS PHONE ATM SITTING ON A COUCH_

He got a reply not even a minute later. 

_from: my talented agent Nat_

_WTF GO TALK TO HIM???_

_from: my talented agent Nat_

_wAIT MAYBE POST THE FINAL BIT FIRST. What if he has your notifs on???_

Two more people in the queue before him.

_to: my talented agent Nat_

_Long shot but fuck it imma do it._

_from: my talented agent Nat_

_keep me posted pls <3!_

Steve then went on Twitter, eyes still trained on Bucky.

 _@Steve_Rogers: Aaaand the final part of chapter one is here! Hope you like it._ Wait For Me _, coming to your bookstores in January._

Two seconds after he’d sent the tweet he saw Bucky furiously typing something on his phone. Then, he leaned back, looking more focused than he had minutes ago — eyes intently trained on the device, looking as if he was mesmerised by it.

“What can I get ya?” The strangely enthusiastic tone of a bored looking barista pulled Steve out of his trance.

“One large Rooibos Tea Latte with vanilla syrup.”

“To go?”

He looked at where Bucky was sitting. The couch he was currently occupying could easily fit at least two people.

“No, here.” As he waited for the coffee to be ready, he returned his attention back to the man who, judging by the way he was biting his lip, was getting close to the final paragraphs. The emotional part.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.” He muttered, grabbing the mug and heading in Bucky’s direction.

Steve was standing right behind him when he heard him say “Motherfucker…That’s…”

_Charlie’s heart skipped a beat when he looked up from his drawing only to find Finn looking right at him. He was sitting on the windowsill, smoking a cigarette like he always did after work. The soft afternoon glow highlighted his chiseled cheekbones and long eyelashes. Hair slightly tousled, hands and tank top smudged with grease and oil stains. Signatures of a proper engineer, Charlie mused. God, he was so beautiful._

_“Charlie, I hope you know this rug is our worst four dollars spent. Gonna get dirty as shit in a matter of days.” But the fond smile that graced his face told a whole different story._

“The author’s a real asshole, just leaving the story like that.”

Bucky, startled by the sudden voice, jumped form his place on the sofa. Then, eyes wide, he slowly turned around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! kinda hard to stay motivated to do anything right now. hope you're good x  
> as always: tell me your thoughts!


	5. Did my best to exist just for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start: a quick Thank You to everyone who commented on the previous chapters. I see each and every one of you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

_All of the things I never said out loud_

_They will remain inside of me_

There were days when Bucky believed the whole world was against him and he was put into it solely by mistake. Or to be an extra in someone else’s life — a random guy you pass on your way to work, maybe someone you ask for directions on the sidewalk. He tried to believe in fate, he really did. But, every time he started to trust it, something shitty had to happen.

Like few weeks ago, for example, when he got so overwhelmed with uni work he started spiralling and overthinking every choice he’d ever made. Or last Wednesday, when he realised he was just one point below the grade boundary and got a C+ instead of a B and his dreams about gettinga scholarship kept fading away more and more. Or three days ago he offered Sam and Aaron to go to a pub with him but these _absolute dipshits_ declined because _both of them_ had dates? _What the hell Aaron, you’re already over your Bucky-centred crush? And you’re actually moving on? Congrats, but really, what the fuck?_

Point is, Bucky and the universe weren’t exactly on the best terms. That is, of course, until he turned around to see Steve Rogers — the New York Times best-selling author, Bucky’s favourite writer and, (most importantly)as of the past few months, Bucky’s biggest crush to date — standing right behind him.

Just after he finished reading _THAT_ scene.

“I mean… that’s one way to put it.” He smiled timidly, gesturing for Steve to sit next to him. The blonde circled the couch, put his coffee next to Bucky’s half-empty mug and sat down on his right, between Bucky and the window.

When what really was happening had time to sink in, Bucky felt nerves creeping up his spine.All of a sudden his palmsfelt clammy, breathing got a little more shallow.

_Why are you like this? You’ve met him before!_

_Only then Bucky was too starstruck to care about anything else. Now, he was both starstruck and hopelessly enamoured._

Steve turned his head to face him.

“So… what do you think?” he asked, voice timid.

“I…” Bucky honestly had no idea what to say. Too many thoughts were racing through his mind and he was unable to pick just one. They were like hundreds of rubber bands, entangled together to make a big useless ball.

Steve worried his bottom lip, eyes downcast and looking at the floor.

_Oh no._

Bucky smiled, hoping for it to come off as reassuring. “I don’t know what to say. I mean, I kinda do, but I really don’t wanna scare you off.”

Steve looked at him again and quirked his eyebrow, piercing blue eyes filled with confusion.

“Scare me off? Why?”

“Well…Okay please don’t make this weird. But,” He took a deep breath and could feel his cheeks heating up. “I’m like, definitely your biggest fan.” Yup, cheeks probably redder than a tomato picked from a plantation in sunny Tuscany. “And I know you probably hear that a lot but trust me, I am. Ikindarunablogandhavewrittenlongessaysabouthowmuchiloveeverytingyoudo.”

Steve looked puzzled but there was a big smile threatening to overtake his whole face.

“You… what?” He asked, tone gentle.

Bucky looked at him pleadingly, face still flushed from embarrassment.

“Please don’t make me repeat what I just said. I’m begging you.”

Steve laughed quietly. “No, I got the first part.” Bucky cringed. “And for the record, I’m extremely flattered, really. I just didn’t quite catch what you said last.”

Bucky buried his face in his hands, groaning. “God, this is so embarrassing.”

Steve, without thinking, grabbed one of his arms and gently pulled it away from his face. Bucky hoped he couldn’t feel his hammering pulse. “It’s all good. Please.”

Bucky sighed. “I also happen to run a blog. You know, about books. It’s quite popular, actually.” Steve’s face was unreadable but Bucky was too self-conscious to look him in the eye as he continued. “And you’re my favourite person. I mean, I’ve written long essays about your works, not just simple reviews like I do for every other author.”

“Wait… you run _I hate reading_?”

Bucky nodded.

Steve beamed. “I love your blog!” The hand that was touching Bucky’s arm minutes ago was now holding his wrist, which was comfortably lying in the brunette’s lap. “This one time I spent the whole evening reading your posts. I wasn’t kidding when I said you lifted my spirit, you know. You really did, I was having a shitty day.”

“Why?” He asked without thinking. “Sorry, sorry. I shouldn’t’ve asked.”

“No, that’s fine. I just got overwhelmed with… everything, I guess.” His eyes were so earnest, expression open. Why was it so easy to talk to Steve Rogers? This man had the power to turn him into a nervous wreck only to put him at complete ease mere minutes later.

“I get it. Or at least I think I do. I’ve been feeling like that lately. ’S why I came in here, thought Iat least deserved some nice coffee.” Bucky smiled at him timidly, perfectly aware of the hand that was still touching his wrist. At first, Steve’s touch almost made Bucky’s heart leap out of his chest. But soon after, it soothed his nerves and made him feel all warm on the inside. He hoped Steve wouldn’t draw his hand back anytime soon.

“Yeah, it is very addictive.” He said but Bucky could barely make out the words, too focused on the way the dim cafe light softly illuminated Steve’s face. He was so, so pretty. Long lashes casting shadows under his electric baby blues, those pink lips and _god, the stubble_.

“So… Since my favourite book reviewer is here.” Bucky laughed quietly at that. “What do you think of the first chapter?” Was he… blushing? Did Bucky somehow make Steve Rogers blush? Why?

“Where do I start?” He leaned back against the couch, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged. The sudden movement reminded Steve of his hand still resting on Bucky’s wrist, but when he tried to pull it away the brunette, in a sudden wave of confidence, grabbed it and put it back in its place. Steve smiled.

“Wherever you want. I have time.”

“You do know it’s gonna be only praise, right? Because I’m sure I’ve mentioned it more than once that I’m literally unable to criticise you.”

“You say that like it’s something I’d mind.” Steve then glanced at the table as if he’d suddenly remembered about the coffee he’d ordered. He grabbed the mug. “Aw, shit. It’s cold.”

“What did you order?”

“Rooibos tea latte with vanilla syrup.”

Bucky hummed. “Good choice.”

“Probably would’ve been better hot but, well. Anyway…” He pulled his legs up to sit like Bucky. “Do continue. Please, I’m really curious.”

“First of all, you have absolutely no idea how happy I was when you tweeted out about you releasing anew book so soon. I was having a shit day and you made it a whole lot better.”

“Kinda like you did mine a while ago, with your _Haunted_ review.”

“Exactly.” They smiled at each other, eyes full of adoration. “I have your notifs on so I read each update as soon as it came out. I was _that_ excited. I still am, I can’t wait for the book. God, you have no idea. But…”

“But?” Steve prompted.

“You see, at first I thought it was just my stupid, crush-induced delusion speaking. I thought to myself, _hey, that’s just a coincidence_.”

“… Crush?”

Bucky quickly brushed him off. “Not the point, Steve.” But the apples of his cheeks were starting to redden once again.

“I thought, _Messenger bags are quite popular. Maybe they were even more popular back then._ Sam, my best friend, said the same thing. He was like _Bucky stop that’s just sad, please find someone on tinder and stop getting your hopes up._ Because, you know, you’re a celeb, I’m a random nobody,-”

“Hey, no you’re not!”

“-And you’re kinda… unreachable. Waaaay out of my league, if we’re talking high-school terms.”

Steve absentmindedly caressed Bucky’s wrist with his thumb and Bucky felt like his heart was about to give out. “But then, the more I read, the more my crazy theory was confirmed.” He looked him in the eyes, vulnerable. “It’s not just a theory, isn’t it? Please say I’m not crazy.” He was now whispering, voice wavering slightly.

“You’re not crazy.” Steve was now whispering, too. “If anyone’s crazy, that’s me. I’m the guy who decided to base one of the main characters of his new book off of a beautiful stranger he’d met once.” Bucky drew a sharp breath, eyes wide. Hearing his most unrealistic daydream come true was one of the strangest feelings he’d ever experienced. It was overwhelming, but in the best way possible.

“Why?”

“I just…” Steve used his free hand to fumble with the hem of his shirt. “I saw you in here a few weeks before I actually met you. And, I don’t know. You pulled me in, somehow. I couldn’t stop looking.” He laughed nervously. “God, I really hope I don’t sound like a creep.”

“Remember who you’re talking to, pal. You better not search for all my Steve Rogers tweets.”

The corners of Steve’s mouth lifted.

“No.” Bucky said as sternly as he could. “Steve. No. I’m begging.”

Steve grinned. “I ain’t saying anythin’, Buck.” _Buck. No one’s ever called him that. The butterflies in his stomach were killing him._

“But your face is. Your face is saying _I’m an asshole_.”

“Is it? No, I think my face is saying _I need to check what Bucky thinks about me because I value his opinion a lot_.” He said, trying to sound as considerate as he could.

“Your shit-eating grin is betraying you.”

Steve shrugged. “Well, I did try my best.”

Bucky laughed, punching him lightly in the arm. “Bullshit. Thank god you’re a writer. You woulda made a terrible actor.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

Bucky was about to reply with something quirky when one of the baristas came up to their couch. “I’m sorry, sirs, but we’re closing.”

Steve and Bucky looked at each other, panicked. Did this mean they had to part? Bucky wasn’t ready, he was enjoying talking to Steve way too much.

“Sorry.” Steve said, already standing up. Bucky followed. “Thank you for the delicious coffee, have a good night.”

They stepped in front of the cafe, neither of them saying anything for a moment.

They broke the silence at the same time.

“You like walks?”

“I’m not very tired.”

They grinned at each other.

“Do you live nearby?” Bucky asked.

“I do, yeah. You?”

“A few subway stops away. My campus is nearby, though.” 

“It’s late, you shouldn't walk alone.”

“Same goes for you.”

“I go for night walks all the time. No one’s bothering me then, no one’s taking pictures. I’ll walk you home.”

Bucky looked at him, fond. “Steve… you don’t have to. I don’t wanna trouble you.”

“You’re not troubling me at all.” His expression was so earnest. Bucky could cry with how much he adored this man.

He looped his arm through Steve’s and they headed towards the subway.

“So…If you based Finn off of me, does this mean you’re Charlie?”

***

The night air was so cold Bucky couldn’t feel his face. And yet, he wished the walk from the subway to his apartment lasted longer than fifteen minutes.

They were now standing in front of Bucky’s building, waiting for Steve’s Uber to arrive.

Bucky still didn’t want Steve to go. Yeah, he probably had a whole arsenal of things he could do instead of spending the whole evening _and night_ with him, but Bucky was selfish. He’d finally gotten Steve all for himself after pining for the man for months (maybe even years, if counting from the time when his weird fixation on Steve Rogers started).

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything? Spending your time with me, giving me a book character, not being weird about me being a fan, writing your brilliant books. There’s so much. I’m just…Overwhelmed, I guess.”

“In a bad way or a good way?”

A small smile etched onto his face. “Good way,” he whispered. “Definitely.”

“This is gonna sound so cheesy, please don’t be disappointed your favourite author said something as cliché as this. But. There really wasn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. I like spending time with you, Buck.”

Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand, looking him in the eyes. “I like spending time with you, too. Can we do that again?”

Steve pulled out his phone from one of the coat pockets and gave it to Bucky. Bucky quickly typed in his number.

“What’re you doing tomorrow?”

“Have a morning meeting about the final editing touches and deciding on the cover. Then I’m free.”

“Ugh, a life without uni. Must be nice.”

“Not gonna lie, I don’t miss going to lectures and pulling all-nighters to study.”

“But do you miss university? The campus, to be specific?”

Steve smirked. “I think I know where you’re going with this, _Finn_.”

“Well, _Charlie_ , it’s just a suggestion. A strong suggestion.” Bucky answered with a matching smirk. He then noticed Steve’s Uber nearing the corner of his street.

“Yes, I’ll come pick you up. Just text me the time and tell me which building.”

“Will do.” Bucky stared at Steve’s face a little longer. He then quickly crossed the distance, kissed him on the cheek and quietly said “Night, Stevie. See you tomorrow.”

He didn’t see the gobsmacked look on Steve’s face or the way he slowly caressed his cheek five seconds later.

***

“Why are you so…cheery? What happened?”

They were sitting on a wooden bench in the main hall of Bucky’s department, like they always did before their joined lectures. Sam with his black coffee in hand, Bucky munching on a salad he’d bought at the student’s canteen.

He smiled mischievously. “A girl has her secrets, Samuel.”

“Are you on drugs?”

He snorted. “Nope. I wish. Maybe this nightmare of a seminar woulda passed quicker. I felt like I was decomposing right then and there.”

“That bad?”

“Mhm.” He chewed some more. Were tomatoes supposed to not have any flavour at all? Becausethese sure as hell didn’t.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

Bucky wanted nothing more than to tell Sam about last night. Not sharing absolutely everything and keeping Sam in the dark was _agonising_. But — _let the man see for himself later_.

He couldn’t remember the last time he was in such a good mood after he’d woken up. He actually did want to leave his bed and go to uni. And his mood only got better when he checked his phone to see the time and saw a text waiting for him.

_from: Steve Rogers????!!!! <3333<33_

_Hey, Buck. Have a great day at uni. Can’t wait to see you again today x_

“I’ll tell you later.”

“Lemme guess. Steve Rogers tweeted something at you.”

_Oh buddy if you only knew._

“Why do you think it’s Steve Rogers related?”

Sam snorted. “What else could it be?”

“There are many options! I coulda won a lottery! Gotten an internship! Or, I don’t know, maybe my landlord from hell got hit by a car, suffered some sort of memory loss and forgot about my rent!”

“Fair. Especially the last one. That would’ve made you happy.”

“See?”

They started walking towards the auditorium, which was in the main building. Right after they’d entered, they were spotted by a familiar mop of curly blonde hair. Aaron quickly bid goodbye to whomever he was talking to and sprinted towards them.

“Guys! My besties! Best people in the world!”

Sam and Bucky looked at him skeptically.

“What did you do?”

Aaron’s smile was larger than life. “Nothing? Can’t I just be happy to see my friends?”

Sam sighed. “And here I thought dealing with one not-high-but-still-weirdly-happy person was enough. What are y’all hiding? My birthday was five months ago, this can’t be a surprise party for sure.”

“Wait, there’s another happy person? Who?”

Bucky grinned, pointing at himself. “This guy!”

“Well, why are you so happy today? Not that I’m complaining, seeing my friends happy makes my heart burst.” He then looked at them solemnly. “I love you guys.”

“Okay, Aaron. For real. What did you do?” Sam questioned in amusement.

The angelic blonde smiled sheepishly. “I may or may not have accidentally invited Oliver over for our sacred weekly drinks and games.”

“We’ll let it slide because you actually answered my question, unlike a _certain someone_.” Sam looked at Bucky pointedly. Bucky rolled his eyes. “Oliver as in… your drive-in theater date Oliver?”

Aaron blushed. “Maybe.”

“So you’re not-” Sam started, quickly cutting himself off when he realised what he was about to ask.

But the boy’s face softened, eyes kind as he answered. “I’m not. Listen,” He inserted himself in between Sam and Bucky, linking both of his arms with theirs. “Let me address the elephant in the room and then we can all move on to pestering Bucky about his mysterious source of happiness, yeah?”

“Sounds good” agreed Sam, while Bucky grumbled something unintelligible under his breath, which suspiciously sounded like _Y’all hate me_.

“As much as it pains me to say, and believe me it does, Bucky…you’re no longer my crush.” Bucky fake-gasped. “I know, I know. You’re a beautiful man but your heart’s been occupied by someone else. And I gotta respect that. ’S why a while ago I decided to move on.”

“That’s a very gentleman-y thing to do.” Sam remarked.

“Well, what can I say? Chivalry won’t be dead as long as I’m breathing.”

Bucky looked at his friend, a small smile on his face. “Aaron, it was an honour to be your crush.”

“Don’t let it get into your head! Now,” he smirked, locking eyes with Sam “do tell us about your mysterious happy pill.”

“Later.”

***

Fifteen minutes till the end of the lecture Bucky received a text from Steve and tried his very best to act casual and not let Sam and Aaron notice the big smile threatening to overtake his whole face.

_from: Steve Rogers????!!!! <3333<33_

_I’m outside. Grabbed you a caramel latte on the way so pls hurry before it gets cold._

Bucky’s heart leapt. _This man is too good to be true_

Lecture be damned, Bucky’s mind drifted. Because right now? He felt like a rom-com character. His favourite writer who was also his biggest crush apparently liked him back and now they were just casually texting each other. Because they were pals (but hopefully they’ll be something more?). What were the chances? He’d loved this guy’s work for years. And then he turned out to be super hot _and then_ Bucky also learned that he’s charming and lovely and considerate and kind and _ugh_ the only thing that kept him from proposing to Steve was the fact that he had no money to buy him a ring. 

“Try throwing a pen. Maybe that’ll work.”

“On it.”

But before Aaron had the chance to throw his pen at Bucky, the latter’s head snapped in their direction.

“What’re you doing, you dipshits?”

“You weren’t responding. To anything. We even tried talking shit about Steve Rogers’ books but even that didn't work.”

“Maybe that was in your best interest. Count your blessings.”

“Come on, we have two minutes left. We’re bored. Tell. Us.” Aaron whined, gently kicking Bucky’s leg under the table.

“Now I know how single mothers with two pre-schoolers feel.”

“For once I’m not the mother in our scenarios!”

“Not for long, Sam. Just give me time. Anyway,” the shuffling at the front of the hall interrupted him, everyone started gathering their belongings and slowly heading towards the door, “I’ll tell you in like five minutes. Let’s just leave first.”

_to: Steve Rogers????!!!! <3333<33_

_Done!!! Be there soon x_

As soon as they left the building, Bucky immediately spotted the familiar grey wool coat and the even more familiar face attached to it. It was quite cold outside and yet he suddenly felt warm all over. Leaving his friends behind, he quickly strode towards Steve, throwing his arms around him the moment they met.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Steve said quietly, arms resting on Bucky’s back.

“Thanks for the coffee. You’re an angel.”

“Didn’t know which one you wanted so I went with this one ’cause you wrote about it in one of your posts.”

_MARRY ME PLEASE MARRY ME RIGHT NOW_

But before Bucky could reply, a loud“WHAT THE FUCK?” pulled him out of his Steve-induced trance.

Ah, right.

Grabbing the coffee from Steve so that he could replace it with his hand, he whispered “Please say hi to my friends so they’ll get off my back. I promise they’re nice. Usually.”

“Do I have to worry about the first impression?”

Bucky looked at him as if he’d grown a second head. “Please.”

“Wait a minute… is that-” Aaron’s face was so confused it took everything in Bucky not to laugh.

“Steve Rogers.” Sam finished for him. His expression wasn’t any better. Talking about Steve Rogers was one thing, making fun of Bucky’s obsession was another. But actually seeing the man in person? Alive, right in front of him? Holding hands with his best friend?

“Hi. Nice to meet you.” The _sweetest man on earth_ said.

“Guys, I swear to god if you try to embarrass me I’ll dropkick you both so hard you’re gonna wake up in Asia. I can embarrass myself and I already have embarrassed myself without your help, thank you. ”

Steve smiled at him fondly. “You weren’t that bad.”

Bucky smiled back, feeling weak in the knees.

Sam and Aaron shared a knowing look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally talked about -this-! What do you think? Your comments make my day x  
> (I know it says 5/5 chapters but I thiiink I might add some more. Not sure yet but I just wanted to give whoever's interested some heads up). Thank you for reading, have a great day/night x


	6. Please could you be tender?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for everyone who wanted more x

PART II

_Slow like pseudo-ephedrine_

“I don’t know, man. He hasn’t really said anything about what he wants for Christmas since we already have this kind of tradition where I buy him a shitty book so he can laugh at the cliché plot and bad writing, and he buys me a video game. The uglier the graphics the better. It works out perfectly, we’re like the yin yang of garbage gifts.”

Sam took a mouthful of his chicken Pad Thai, sighing contentedly at the rich taste. “God, you really weren’t kidding when you said it’s worth every dollar. Thanks, Santa. You saved me from eating the leftovers of yesterday’s leftovers.”

Steve laughed. “Sure. I’ve honestly forgotten how expensive college life really is.”

“Well, not gonna lie. This one’s on me.” Sam chewed some more and took a sip of Coke. Steve raised an eyebrow, silently prompting him to go on. “I bought a present for everyone. Myself included. And a fifty dollar face cream might have been a little over my monthly budget.”

“You really do have flawless skin, though. It ain’t gonna take care of itself.”

“Thank you! Finally someone who understands!”

After they’d finished their meals, Steve came back to the original topic of their conversation. They didn’t have that much time, Bucky’s design classes were already halfway over. “So I’m guessing buying him a book is completely off the table, right?”

Sam smiled at him smugly. “See, you don’t have this luxury of buying him a book because, in case you’ve forgotten, he likes your books best. So, every book you’re gonna give him, no matter how good, is still gonna be much worse than something you could write overnight.”

Steve blushed. “I still can’t believe he wasn’t just trying to be nice when he said he was a fan.”

“I can’t fully expose his obsession because then I’d have to flee the country but I’m pretty sure he’s gonna do it himself in a matter of days anyway. But. You’ve seen his blog posts. AND his Twitter.”

 _Oh did he see Bucky’s Twitter._ He wasn’t lurking, no. He remembered Bucky specifically asking him not to and he respected that. But the man in question still showed him his most embarrassing Steve Rogers related tweets himself, two weeks into their relationship. _You gotta know what you’regetting yourself into, Stevie._ To say Steve was flattered would’ve been the understatement of the century. He printed out his favourite tweet, framed it and put on his desk. After sending Bucky the picture he got a response thirty seconds later, saying _I regret absolutely nothing this is the highlight of my week_. Things were good.

“Can’t really write him a book, I don’t have that much time.”

“You already sorta did write him a book.” Sam pointed out.

“Yeah, I did.”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you were pining so hard for my best friend that you basically gave him a whole ass book.” Steve’s cheeks were red once again. “And that you’re literally the guy my best friend’s been crushing on for a long, long time. Crazy.”

“Same, to be honest. Bucky’s amazing.”

Sam smiled at him. “That he is. And, just so we’re clear,” he then looked Steve in the eye, face suddenly serious and brown eyes earnest “he doesn’t like you just because you’re his favourite author. I know Bucky better than anyone and I’ve never seen him so gone for someone like he is for you. You hold so much power over him, I hope you know that. Hate to sound like an overprotective brother but please treat him right. He’s like family to me.”

Steve nodded, never breaking the eye contact. “He already hast me wrapped around his finger. I’ve never had this weird urge to make someone happy and give them everything I can, but with him I do. ’S why I want his Christmas present to be special. He deserves it. ”

“You’re a creative guy, Steve. If anyone’s gonna give him something he’ll remember for years, it’s you.”

***

And he did.

They were laying on Steve’s plush couch under a big, fluffy blanket. Bucky’s head was resting on his chest, one hand draped across it, while Steve’s arms enveloped him, the man holding a copy of _Haunted_ in front of them. Because there was nothing better than having Steve himself read him one of his own books.

“Steve.”

“Hm?”

“I’m too comfortable to get up now but I just wanna let you know that I baked you something for Christmas. I really like these muffins so I thought you’d maybe like them, too?” Bucky said quietly, a hit of self-consciousness in his voice. “It’s not much but I went full DaVinci on the frosting. I put them on your kitchen counter when you went to the bathroom.”

Steve’s arms tightened around him. He kissed the top of Bucky’s head, muttering softly “Thank you, baby.” His voice wavered slightly, affected by a sudden wave of emotion. It was such a simple gesture, yet it made him feel so warm on the inside. “I have something for you as well.”

Bucky raised his head to look at him in wonder. “You do?”

A small smile etched onto Steve’s face. “Yes. It’s in my study room.”

Bucky suddenly jumped to his feet, his comfortable position on the couch be damned. Steve laughed, slowly getting up to join him.

As they entered the study room, Bucky’s gaze immediately drifted towards a large, wooden desk, with piles of documents sitting atop it.

“So that’s where the magic happens.” He said in wonder, looking at the printed drafts of Steve’s books laying on the floor. “You have no idea how hard I’m trying not to freak out right now.” At that, Steve hugged him from behind and rested his chin in the dip where Bucky’s neck met hisshoulder.

“Go ahead. I won’t judge. If anything, I think it’s cute.”

Bucky then turned around in his arms, took Steve’s face in both hands and kissed him. Tenderly at first, but then his hands gripped his golden hair, pulling him even closer. Steve tasted like vanilla coffee he’d made them a while ago and Bucky found himself wanting more, more. “God, you’re so amazing.”

“You’re one to talk.” Steve pecked his lips once again. He then went over to the desk andpicked up something that suspiciously looked like a short story, the pages carefully bound together with red and green strings.

“That’s a Steve Rogers exclusive. Just for you.”

Bucky carefully took the script from his hands and looked at the title. _Caramel dates._

“Steve…”

“Didn’t have time to make it longer than thirty pages. But I still hope you’ll like it.”

Bucky’s vision got blurry as countless different emotions overflowed him. He took a sharp, steadying breath, looked up at Steve with a wobbly smile and hugged him with all his might.

“Thank you. So much.”

***

Jan 3, 2019

Saturday; 10:20PM

Wait For Me _is coming out in two days and you know what’s exciting? The fact that I’ve already seen it plastered on at least ten billboards (two of them on Times Square!!!) . The power of the Writing God himself. Thank you, Steve._

“Whatcha writing? Please tell me you’re done with this dumb ethics essay. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I hear one more word about The Trolley Problem.”

“You and me both, pal. Who needs ethics anyway? Just, like … go with the flow, follow your gut or something. Vibe.”

Steve plopped down on the couch next to him, redbull in hand. Baxter, Steve’s dog that seemed to take a great liking to Bucky, was laying on the floor right next to the couch, softly snoring. Steve scratched him behind his fluffy ears.

“Praying you didn’t actually write that.”

Bucky grinned, grabbing the redbull can from Steve and took a big gulp.

“Nope. But god, did I want to.”

Steve leaned his head on Bucky’s shoulder. He took hold of his hand, which was still resting on the laptop, turning it upside down and intertwining their fingers.

“So…what’re you writing?”

Bucky kissed his the top of his head. “More Steve Rogers praise. The author, you know? I kinda like his books.”

Steve smiled in amusement. “Yeah? You do, huh? What’re you saying about him, then?”

“As one of my loyal readers, you’re gonna have to wait ’til it’s posted.”

“Aw, c’mon, Buck. Just a tiny glimpse?”

“Yeah, c’mon, Stevie. Just a tiny glimpse of your new book?” He retorted.

Steve poked him in the ribs. Bucky shrieked.

_Sorry for not posting much these past few weeks. Life’s been… strange. But in the best way possible. I’m so, so happy. Hope you all had a great Christmas and an even better New Year’s. Because I sure as hell did!_ He sighed contentedly. Steve’s head was still resting on his shoulder as the blonde’s eyes followed the words appearing on the laptop screen. He was smiling softly, eyelids fighting to stay open as Bucky’s breathing lulled him to sleep. _I don’t have any new books to review, just wanted to check on you and wish you all the best in 2019. Thank you for sticking with me:-) See y’all in a few days aFTER THIS BOOK FINALLY DROPS OH MY GOD I’M SO EXCITED!!!!_

_James_

_PS Here’s a pic of me with a bunch of cinnamon muffins me and my boyfriend baked and another pic he took of me holding a coffee cup bc we’re both coffee addicts._

_(trying to keep my cool as I type the word_ boyfriend _but don’t be fooled. Y’all know better.)_

[image: Bucky leaning down on the counter, smiling, focused on frosting a muffin]

[image: Bucky holding a takeaway coffee cup between his red mittens, a peaceful, snowy night at the park]

_Posted._

He’d been dating Steve for almost two months now, and things were going about as smoothly as they could. Bucky wasn’t sure whether it meant that the honeymoon phase of their relationship was still going strong or that it was over but they got along so well that it didn’t even matter. Probably the latter, if he had to be honest. It didn’t take that much time for him to start feeling completely at ease in Steve’s presence and well… that was quite surprising, with Steve being his biggest idol and whatnot. But, as he’d learned in these past months — that’s just the person Steve Rogers was. So genuine and lovely and so, so easy to talk to.

And Bucky knew he was a goner from the very first time they’d spoken. He was falling, and he was falling _fast_. He could only hope he wasn’t the only one.

Steve fell asleep, head pillowed on Bucky’s lap. He’d been so overworked lately with his book coming out in a few days that he barely slept. Not wanting to wake him up, Bucky decided to browse some more and opened Twitter. One hand scrolling through his feed, the other gently playing with Steve’s hair.

_@Kelsey_98: @JamesBB YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND???? SINCE WHEN????? WHY DIDN’T YOU FLEX SOONER???_

Bucky chuckled, deciding to interact with his readers a little. Their tweets were either about him having a boyfriend or him showing his face for the first time. Nothing else. Literally. Nothing.

_@JamesBB in reply to @Kelsey_98: Since November. But I’ve been pining for him for MONTHS. Or perhaps even much longer than that, depends on how you look at it :-)_

It took about fifteen seconds for the replies to start flooding in, people getting more and more curious.

_@Kelsey_98 in reply to @JamesBB: NOVEMBER??? Omg no wonder you haven’t posted much ;-)))) happy for you! <3_

_@finnscharlie in reply to @JamesBB: “pining for him for months”, “much longer than that”bro is this about your boyfriend or about Steve Rogers lol_

Bucky tried his best not to laugh and startle Steve from his peaceful slumber. _The jokes write themselves!_ God, hereally couldn’t wait to break the news.

_@4dollarrug in reply to @finnscharlie @JamesBB: I feel like his boyfriend already knows Steve always comes first_

_@JamesBB in reply to @4dollarrug @finnscharlie: Trust me he’s well aware._

_@BookNerdAllie: GUYS CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS LOOKS??? @JamesBB SIR YOU’RE SERVING!!!_

He grinned. His followers were the biggest ego-boosters, really. Well, apart from Steve who made it his daily mission to say sweet things to Bucky and make him blush twenty-four seven.

_@JamesBB in reply to @BookNerdAllie: Serving in TacoBell, maybe! But thank you!_

_@InnocentCharlie: is this just me or does @JamesBB kinda look like Finn? I mean this is a BIG stretch since we’ve only read the first chapter but… the cheekbones? The messenger bag on the 2nd pic? Yeah, I’m sold._

_@4dollarrug in reply to @InnocentCharlie: SHUT UP OMG NOW I’LL NEVER STOP PICTURING JAMES AS FINN. WHAT AN AMAZING OUTSTANDING SHOW-STOPPING THEORY_

His readers were truly the best. Bucky really hoped they were gonna freak out even more once they’d found out the whole story. _Fun._

Steve stirred a little in his sleep and Bucky looked at the clock. Almost midnight.

He gently caressed his face, quietly muttering “Hey, sleepyhead. Time to go to bed.”

Steve’s eyes slowly opened and he blinked, looking at Bucky in confusion. “Huh?”

Bucky’s heart melted.

“It’s midnight. You’ll sleep better in your bed. Come on.”

Steve’s eyes were bloodshot and glassy, indicating he’d been in deep slumber. “Stay the night?” He asked in a hopeful tone.

Bucky smiled at him softly. “Sure, sweetheart.”

Once they’d settled in Steve’s bed, the blonde immediately hugged Bucky close to his chest, nose pressed to his neck.

“They’re curious.” Bucky whispered.

“Who is?” Steve whispered back, his fingers softly grazing Bucky’s stomach.

“My readers. They wanna know who my boyfriend is because they’re curious how I managed to find once since I’ve been mentally dating Steve Rogers for years.”

Steve chuckled lowly. “They’re gonna love the plot twist, then.”

Bucky smiled to himself. “Oh, definitely. You sure you’re okay with me telling everyone?”

“Yeah. They gotta know you’re taken. I don’t want anyone thinking they stand a chance.”

“Imagine how I felt seeing all the thirst tweets about you back when I was still dating you in my head.”

“Your thirst tweets still are my favourites.”

“Then prepare yourself for more. They're my brand, after all.”

***

Bucky wandered around the campus, having decided to stretch his legs a little before the next seminar. However, after about five minutes when the crisp winter air proved to be a little too much, he abruptly changed his mind and went straight for the little campus cafe. Not as good as his and Steve’s spot, definitely, but much cheaper.

On his way, he walked right past the notice board, doing a double-take not even two seconds later to make sure his eyes read the announcement correctly.

_SPECIAL GUEST AT OUR UNIVERSITY!_

_Next Friday (Jan 9th), the New York Times best-selling author Steve Rogers will give a guest lectureat 1PM at the Department of English, room 26B (the auditorium). Though the lecture is mandatoryfor everyone who has chosen the creative writing course, everyone is welcome to join._

_More info on our website._

_See you there!_

“Interesting.” Bucky muttered, snapping a quick photo of the board and sending it the groupchat.

**Friendship Is Magic** (members: Sam, Aaron, Bucky)

Bucky: [image attached] guess who’s going on an extra lecture! <3

Sam: you?

Bucky: take another guess!

Sam: you and Aaron?

Bucky: three times the charm, Sammy;-)

Aaron: c’mon Sam this’ll be fun!

Bucky: loving this energy Aaron you literally never disappoint

Sam: ok so I was playin … not gonna lie I’m actually kinda curious to hear what he has to say

Sam: since ya know ur SRO started bc of his writing

Bucky: SRO?

Sam: Steve Rogers Obsession obv

Aaron: and your SRO deepened bc of his looks

Aaron: which i’m excited 2 see again<3

Bucky: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bucky: 911 i’d like to report a crime

Bucky: a crime i’m about to commit bye bye Aaron it was nice knowing u :-)

Aaron: listen Bucky I’m no threat

Aaron: or … am I? ;-))

Sam: Bucky ur so rightAaron never disappoints keep it up pal ily

Bucky tucked his phone in one of the coat pockets, smiling to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your kind responses under the last chapter and sharing your thoughts on the story with me ❤️ interacting with you guys always brings me so much joy x


	7. And I will sit close to you

_We keep trying to talk about us_

_I’m someone you maybe might love_

“Arby’s Books, 11AM, text you as soon as I have the book in my hands.”

Bucky levelled him with a solemn look. A wild strand of hair slipped out from his tiny bun. He paid no attention to it. “My order number?”

Steve tapped his phone with his index finger. “Right there.”

Bucky smiled at his boyfriend, smoothing down his collar. “Okay. This is an important mission, Steve. You know I-”

“-Gotta have it as soon as you can. Yup.” He nodded. “You know I could’ve just given you the book myself or let you read it on my iPad or something. I know I teased you about having to wait until it’s out but we both know I could’ve made an exception.” Steve brushed the unruly strand back behind Bucky’s ear, his hand lingering there for a few seconds longer than necessary.

Bucky pecked his lips, putting his arms around Steve’s neck. “I know. But I…” He looked at the ceiling, taking a moment to form his thoughts. “You’ve been nothing but kind and understanding with this whole thing about me being, for the lack of a better word, obsessed with you long before we met. I guess I’m just worried you’re gonna, you know…” His voice lowered as he stared anywhere but into Steve’s eyes.

“Get the wrong idea.” Steve finished for him.

Bucky breathed out. “Yeah. I just really, really hope you know-

_that I’m absolutely in love with you, head over heels and I really don’t know how to tell you_

-that… it’s not like that. I would never.”

Steve smiled at him reassuringly, softly brushing his hip with his thumb. “I know that, baby. Trust me, I do. You’ve got nothing to prove.”

“Also, I guess you could say I just love the thrill of getting a text from Arby’s telling me that my book’s waiting for me.” His tone was now playful, the heavy mood slowly lifting. “You were my favourite author long before you became my boyfriend and my favourite human. Gotta pay respect to my roots.”

Steve looked at him fondly. “The book’ll be waiting for you on the counter. And I’ll probably be in another room.”

Bucky looked at him questioningly.

“Gonna stress the whole time you’re reading in case it’s not what you expected and I can’t bear to look at your disappointed face, k bye! Off you go, the lecture’s waiting!” Steve ushered him towards the door, patting him on the back. Bucky laughed.

“You do realise how absolutely crazy you sound, right? My god, I can’t wait to tell Sam so he can laugh with me.”

“Hey!”

“Steve… baby… flower…” Steve rolled his eyes but the apples of his cheeks were slowly turning red. _God, he looked so pretty_. “It’s literally impossible for me to ever, EVER, be anything but super amazed at what you’ve written. Any of your tweets is miles better than my whole college application essay.” Steve chuckled and ducked his head. Bucky’s heart squeezed. “Please, don’t let me get into my ultimate fanboy mode because we both know I absolutely will and then I’ll be late for classes. Can’t risk the professor kicking me out.”

Steve kissed his forehead, smiling. “Go. I’ll see you later at yours.”

“Your spare key’s on your nightstand, last where I saw it. See you, have a great day. And text me what you get the book!”

***

Three hours and five minutes later Steve found himself opening the door to Arby’s Bookshop. After trying his best to blend in while waiting in the relatively long queue outside, he finally entered the shop. ( _Seriously? All these people chose to queue outside in JANUARY just so they could get his book early enough? Crazy. Kinda concerning. Very, very flattering.)_

The bell ringed, everyone entering calmly. He could see the cashier sigh behind the counter, taking the first _Wait For Me_ copy from the huge stack that had been set up right behind him.

Steve was the first one in line. He took off his sunglasses as he approached the guy, already pulling out his phone to look at Bucky’s order number. (An old hoodie and sunglasses sounded like a shitty disguise but it worked _EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Amazing._ )

“Hi. I’m here to pick up a book for James Barnes.”

The cashier looked at him and smiled politely. Honestly, Steve felt quite sorry for the guy. After all, it was his book that resulted in this poor man probably having to face one of the most hectic days at work.

“Order number?”

“02315”

The cashier rummaged through some documents on his computer. Then, he grabbed the book, put it into a brown paper bag and handed it to Steve. Steve was about to turn around and leave when the cashier quietly whispered.

“Sir! Wait…” His eyes widened. “Wait a damn minute! You’re-”

“Yes.” Steve nodded. Silently praying this guy won’t ask him for a photo and create a scene around him. He absolutely adored his fans, he really did. But he just wanted to be back home on Bucky’s worn out couch, eat takeaway and warm up under his cozy pink blanket.

“Shit, dude. Wow. I…” the guy pulled out a small, black notebook. He slightly raised his voice, subtly glancing at the people in the shop when he said “You just need to sign this form, sir.”

Steve looked at the _form_ the man handed over to him, seeing nothing but a blank page.

“Can you please sign this?” The guy was whispering again. “For Casey. My sister adores your books and so do I, actually. I doubt you wanna hold a meet and greet now so I promise I won’t bug you. Just… please?” He smiled sheepishly, holding out a neon green pen.

“Sure, man.” Steve grabbed it. He looked at the guy’s name tag and signed the page. _Casey, Luke — thank you so much for enjoying my books. Your support means the world to me. Have a great 2019, Steve Rogers._ He slid the notebook back to the now grinning man.

“Thank you so much!”

He waved a hand, putting his sunglasses back on. His smile was genuine when he said “You’re very welcome. And thanks for being so cool about this, I really appreciate it, man. Have a great day!”

***

_from: Stevie <3_

_Book’s safe and sound in my bag, heading home rn :)_

_from: Stevie <3_

_hurry up your baby’s waiting!_

_from: Stevie <3_

_i’m talking about myself btw_

Bucky tried his best to contain the smile that was threatening to take over his whole face. Yup, it was official. He was in love. It happened.

“Boy, you’re so gone for this man.” Sam whispered to him while the professor struggled with the projector that didn’t seem to cooperate.

He sighed dreamily. “I am. I hundred percent am.”

“You plan on telling him?”

Bucky frowned. “I want to but I don’t know how. I don’t wanna scare him off in case he doesn’t feel the same.”

He looked at the board and then at his notebook, pretending to write something down.

“To be completely honest, I think there’s a fair chance he does feel the same. You should’ve seen the lovesick look on his face when we met up for Pad Thai to discuss your Christmas present. Disgusting.”

Bucky grinned.

Three agonisingly long hours later he was home, the book in his lap and caramel coffee on the small table by the couch.

_Steve really did make him his reading companion coffee. His fourth finger was itching for a ring._

He saw the blonde head popping out from the doorframe in his peripheral vision every now and then, Steve observing in wonder how he barely moved, save for flipping the pages. No breaks. He was devouring the book, page by page, hour by hour. The said book’s writer went to bed, taking up his usual spot closer to the wall. Bucky kept on reading.

It was around four thirty AM when he had to stop reading because his vision got too blurry. Two pages left but he wasn’t able to blink the tears back fast enough to comprehend the paragraphs. But it wasn’t until he’d read the very last sentences that his silent cries turned to muffled sobs.

_Sunrise in Brooklyn wasn’t anything special. The landscape composed solely of industrial buildings and red brick apartments, softly blurred by the morning fog that spread over the city. Flashes of_ _orange, yellow and red could be seen glowing in the small cracks where the mist was a bit lighter. Charlie looked through the window and observed the city slowly come back to life. Yeah, nothing special indeed._

_He then glanced at the boy currently occupying both sides of the bed, his brow furrowed as the sun kissed his sleepy face. He grumbled and turned on his other side._

_Charlie smiled._

_He had his own definition special._

The sudden urge to hug Steve Rogers was impossible to suppress, so he closed the book, took a deep breath and headed to the bedroom.

Steve stirred as soon as he felt Bucky’s presence next to him. He murmured a small _Hmmm?_ when a pair of arms enveloped him in a hug so strong his ribs were at a risk of cracking. He then heard a sniffle and opened his eyes immediately.

“Hey pal, you okay?” he whispered, gently caressing Bucky’s hair.

The latter smiled small.“Yeah…I’m fine, just… you know.”

Steve raised an eyebrow.

Bucky was quiet for a moment, thinking of the right words.

“I finished reading. And just…” he looked Steve in the eye, seeming to search for something. Steve moved one of his arms so now it rested on Bucky’s back, rubbing soothing circles on it. “Thank you,thank you so much, it was brilliant. I really don’t know how you do it, how you so beautifully tell those stories and make me feel all these things, I was quite literally unable to stop reading and,” the words were freely pouring out of his mouth, desperate to get out into the open “I was so engrossed in this book and I just, fuck, I felt all there was to feel. Your brilliance, it astounds me. How beautiful your mind is. And everyday I keep learning new things about you that show me your soul is just as pretty, if not more. And then there’s the fact that I was Finn and you were Charlie and, god, I’m just so in love with you.”

Bucky took a sharp breath, surprised at his own confession. He didn’t plan on saying that, at least not now — when his face was covered in dried tears and he was an emotional wreck.

Noticing that Steve hadn’t said anything yet, Bucky started to backtrack, panicked.

“God, Steve, please, pretend you didn’t hear that. I know it’s soon. You don’t have to say anything, I’ll… I’ll wait for you! Until you’re ready, that is, or I can even pack my-”

Steve kissed him. He grinned, eyes shining with adoration.

“No need to wait. I’m already here. I love you.”

***

Jan 6, 2019

Tuesday; 1:15PM

_Imagine you’re coming home from uni, tired as hell, only to find a copy of your most anticipated book laying on the kitchen counter right next to a freshly brewed caramel latte. I don’t have to imagine because yup that was me! Not to brag but my boy is the best human being on the planetand in the whole galaxy <3 He really is <3 So talented and so pretty and so lovely <3 Sorry I can’t stop bragging but I physically can’t bring my fingers to a halt when I’m writing these words <3_

_Then the said boyfriend had to look at my ugly mug when I came to join him in the bed at four forty in the morning, still sniffling and recovering from_ Wait For Me’ _s last pages. Man, my poor, poor heart. This book tore it right out of my chest, stomped on it, split it in half and then carefully sewed it back together. I felt EVERYTHING. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve never felt this way while reading a book. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel a book so deeply._

 _A huge part of me keeps wondering if Steve Rogers’ soul might actually be older than Steve Rogers himself. I wouldn’t be surprised. While reading_ Wait For Me _you really feel like you've been transported back in time to pre-war Brooklyn. Like you’re IN the story. I swear, I could almost hear the paperboys scream_ Extra! Extra! Read all about it! _and see a Cord driving down the street. I have no clue how Steve does it, I really don’t. But his phenomenal storytelling makes me feel privileged to be able to read his works. I know, I know — I AM biased. Very biased. But trust me. There’s a reason his books have gotten this much praise over the past few years. He creates literary masterpieces._

_Please read this book. Allow yourself to get trapped in a story about a love so strong you’ll feel your own heart clench with yearning._

_Steve, if you’re reading this — thank you for everything you’ve done. I can’t say that enough._

_James_

_———_

_Now guys: on a completely unrelated (or… related?;)) note:_

_Y'all seem very keen on knowing more about my“mysterious” boyfriend. His name, how we met, what he looks like. Okay, Imma be quick: His name is Steve (OOOOHHHHH coincidence??THIS AIN’T A JOKE BTW!!!), we met in a cafe (cliché, I know, but —not to be dramatic — I owe this café MY LIFE. He didn’t know what type of milk to choose and I told him to get the soy one bc almond milk with coffee is just gross) and he looks like a SNACK!!!_

_I just want everyone to know: I FELL FOR HIM HARD! I don’t care how sappy I sound, these past few months have been the happiest months of my life!!! I’m just!!! so happy!!!_

_I believe it was the user @finnscharlie on twitter who said, and I quote —_ “pining for him for months”, “much longer than that”bro is this about your boyfriend or about Steve Rogers lol.

_I hope these answer your question:_

[image: Steve biting on one of Bucky’s muffins, standing by the same counter as Bucky in the photo attached to his earlier post]

[image: Steve and Bucky kissing on a balcony, New Year’s Eve fireworks in the background]

[image: Steve laughing, rubbing Baxter’s belly]

[image: Bucky and Baxter cuddling, sleeping on the couch]

_Posted._

Heart racing, Bucky then went on Twitter to quickly share a link to his newest post.

_@JamesBB: no i’m not trolling. http://bit.ly/23SXjkG_

He closed his laptop almost instantly after tweeting and tossed it to the opposite end of the bed. He exhaled loudly while leaning back so his back was up against the headboard. Steve, still half asleep, threw his right arm across Bucky’s thighs and hugged him closer. Bucky smiled down at him and gently caressed his golden hair.

“Come on, Buck. Go back to sleep.”

He sighed. “Can’t. Too stressed.”

Steve slowly opened his eyes and looked up at him. “About?”

“I let everyone know we’re dating. And I’m scared.”

Bucky slid down the headboard and draped Steve’s arm across his frame.

“It’s gonna be okay. If people wanna assume stuff—let them. We both know the truth. Pass me my phone, pal.”

Bucky turned around and reached for Steve’s phone. Steve rubbed his eyes sleepily, unlocked it and went on Twitter.

_@Steve_Rogers: No he’s not trolling yes he’s Finn yes I’ve seen his thirst tweets they’re really flattering_

Bucky’s phone pinged with a new notification. He looked at the tweet and laughed.

“God, I love you.”

Steve grabbed at his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Short and sweet at first, quickly turning into something much more heated mere seconds later.

But then Baxter whined and got up from the floor, paws energetically moving from across the room to stop at the edge of the bed, the dog pushing his face under Bucky’s arm.

“Your turn or mine?”

“You sleep. I’ll go with him.” With one final kiss, Steve stood up from the bed and petted Baxter’s head. “Let’s go, bud.”

It was only after Steve had left that he went on Twitter. And it was… well. Interesting, to say the least.

_@finnscharlie: @JamesBB OH MY GOD I WAS JUST KIDDING WHEN I SAID THAT BUT I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE GLAD TO BE RIGHT_

_@4dollarrug: ARE YALL SEEINGWHAT IM SEEING_

_@InnocentCharlie: AKJD!???#@?% &? REMEMBER WHEN I SAID JAMES KINDA LOOKED LIKE FINN?!!?!? WELL!!!!_

_@finnscharlie: @InnocentCharlie PSYCHIC TWINS WE’RE LITERALLY PSYCHIC TWINS_

_@charliespaint: @JamesBB how did Steve react to your thirst tweets???? bro there are SO MANY_

_@JamesBB in reply to @charliespaint: He printed out his favourite one, framed it and now it’s on his desk. The peak of my Steve Rogers stan career if I do say so myself._

_@Steve_Rogers in reply to @JamesBB @charliespaint: Thought the peak of your Steve Rogers stan career was when some of your thirst tweets actually came true._

_@charliespaint: !?!?!?1/?!! BLESSED I AM SO, SO BLESSED_

_@charliespaint: now playing — DJ Khaled Grateful_

_@bklnsunsets: @JamesBB @Steve_Rogers ok but which ones ,, the audience wants to know_

_@JamesBB in reply to @bklnsunsets: ;-)) not telling!!!_

Steve came back from the walk, a paper bag with bagels in one hand, Baxter’s leash in another. It all was so painfully domestic and Bucky felt content. His heart was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I've been having a hard time these past few weeks. Hope you're well and thank you for reading, hopefully you liked the chapter :)


	8. Come home to my heart

_I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops  
I'll love you 'til you call the cops on me_

“How many comments?”

“Three hundred and counting. Plus, like, twenty different journalists and reporters have slid into my DMs on Twitter. Pretty sure I also saw a Buzzfeed article on us.”

Sam whistled. “Impressive.” He leaned back in a comfy, navy blue seat, stretching his legs. They were sitting somewhere in the middle of the auditorium, having the luxury of picking their seats since they’d arrived twenty minutes early. _We’ve never been to this department before, Sam. What if we’re late? I don’t wanna make an entrance!_

Bucky laughed quietly. “And kinda scary, to be honest. Glad they don’t know me as James Barnes from engineering and just as James from _I Hate Reading_.”

“Won’t be long till they make the connection, though. You did post pictures of your face, you know.”

He sighed, staring at the rostrum situated in front of the two huge whiteboards. A small water battle could be seen peeking out from its wooden frame. “I know. But I really hope things’ll die down a little before that happens.”

The auditorium was slowly starting to fill with people, leaving more and more rows of chairs completely occupied. Bucky placed his bag on an empty chair to his left and glanced around the room.

“I’m guessing this seat is taken?”

He looked up, finding the now-familiar mop of angelic blonde curls standing next to where he was seated.

“You guessed correctly.”

Aaron laughed, sliding into the seat after Bucky quickly removed his bag.

“God, this gave me a major flashback to our first interaction. Back when I was still cr..cru….cru..”

Sam looked at him in faux sympathy. “It’s okay Aaron, take your time.” How his tone could be so soft and gentle and yet laced with this much mockery was something Bucky would never be able to comprehend.

“Crushing on you.” Aaron finished, looking at Bucky.

Bucky scoffed. “You assholes turning this crush into the running joke of our friendship won’t erasethe fact that this crush did, in fact, happen.” He smiled sweetly and looked at his friends. “Bucky one, Aaron zero.”

The blonde returned his smile. “You’re so, so right, Bucky.” He quickly made eye contact with Sam, the smile slowly widening. “However, I’ve come to a great realisation recently. Turns out I actually prefer blondes over brunettes. Especially those that could bench press me as if I weighed no more than a teeny tiny feather. Those with sky-blue eyes-”

Bucky’s eyes widened slightly. “I know what you’re doin-”

“A handsome, _handsome_ beard.” Aaron continued, voice getting dreamy. Bucky glared at him, sending invisible daggers in his direction. “A truly adorable laugh, yeah. And if they liked coffee? A big bonus!”

Sam laughed, nodding at Aaron in approval.

“Sounds very specific. But I’m glad you know your own taste in men so well, dude.”

“Why are we even friends?” Bucky muttered. “I’m gonna report it all to Oliver. See if he’d like to go to out on our weekly drinks and games again after that.”

“Oh, I’m certain he would! We’re no strangers to sharing.” The blonde _winked_ at him and Buckygroaned.

“Okay, Adonis. Fair play, gotta give you that. But, just in case you weren’t joking — I’m never, ever, ever, ever, ever sharing Steve with anyone. Ever. Point blank. Period.”

Aaron pouted and batted his unfairly long and curly lashes at him “You sure about that, pretty face?"

Bucky flushed. “Yeah. Now stop drooling over my man, Enjolras.”

Sam looked at them, smiling amusedly. “Enjo _who_?”

Aaron grinned. “We watched _Les Misérables_ when you went out on a date with Allie. Bucky said I look exactly like him. Can’t say I mind that.”

“One, you really do and two, it was so long!”

“You say that about every musical, Bucky.”

He shrugged. “Well, it’s true. If it wasn’t for all the singing, _Cats_ would’ve been over after ten minutes.”

“God, please don’t mention this movie ever again. The CGI scarred me for life.”

Sam shivered, muttering “I hear you” to which Bucky nodded understandingly.

The auditorium was now completely full, all chairs occupied. Those who didn’t manage to find any chose to sit on the stairs, while others stood by the walls. _The power of Steve Rogers, indeed._

Bucky knew how stressed Steve really was about his guest lecture. No matter how many times he’d repeated _Those people admire you. They’re gonna drink in everything you’re gonna give them._ or _Steve, believe me — they will turn up. You’re gonna have the exact opposite problem of no one coming to see you. No, it’s not my bias speaking._

People all around him were chatting excitedly, the noise getting louder and louder with every passing minute. He felt as if he was in a queue waiting for a concert, the thrill that filled the roommaking his heart skip a few beats.

He glanced at the clock. 1PM sharp.

The door suddenly opened and the noise died down almost immediately.

Steve made his way over to the rostrum and looked up at his audience. Bucky’s heart swelled at his gobsmacked expression.

“Hi.” Steve beamed, his smile doing nothing to hide the initial shock at how many people turned up for his lecture. “I, uh… I wasn’t expecting so many of you to come!” People cheered and he laughed.

Bucky looked at him adoringly, eyes full of love.

“You man’s looking sharp as hell.” Sam whispered.

“I knooooow. God, I’m so lucky.” He whispered back.

“Trying my hardest not to thirst over him. For you.”

“Thank you Aaron. Very cool.” Bucky murmured. “You better.”

Steve had now written _How to write a decent story? by Steve Rogers_ in his neat handwriting on one of the giant whiteboards.

“Okay, so,” He turned to face the audience. “Hello, my name’s Steve Rogers. In case you don’t know, I’m a writer.” He smiled and everyone chuckled. Bucky was so enamoured. “Before we begin, I just wanna ask you not to be afraid to speak up, ask questions or share your thoughts. I promise I’m a nice guy.”

 _Hell yeah you are_ Bucky muttered under his breath. From then on, his gaze focused solely on Steve and absolutely nothing could distract him. There could’ve been an earthquake, an asteroid flying by, a goddamn star falling right at his feet and he still would’ve had his eyes for Steve only, intently listening to his every word.

Time went by quickly and Steve was so absorbed in the lecture that he had yet to notice Bucky sitting somewhere among his audience.

He’d just finished answering some girl’s question when Bucky decided to ask one of his own.

“I have a question.” Everyone’s eyes were now trained on him, including Steve’s surprised baby blues. The grin that had been painted on his face mere seconds ago was now replaced with a soft, loving smile.

“Yeah?” He asked, voice slightly out of breath.

Bucky looked him deep in the eyes. “What inspires you to write?”

They both knew he knew the answer to that question. 

Steve chuckled quietly, mumbling something that suspiciously looked like _Smartass_ under his breath.

“Many, many things. Depends on the book, I guess. The situations I witness, the details that catch my eye, the sentences I hear somewhere on the street or at a bar or… or a coffee shop.” Steve blushed, never breaking their eye contact. “And the people I meet. Lately that’s what’s been keeping me going.” Bucky mouthed _I love you,_ hoping Steve would get what he was trying to say. Judging by the fond smile that appeared on his beautiful face, he totally did.

“Yeah, people can be quite interesting.” Bucky’s smile wasn’t any less lovesick. He didn’t care.

Their little moment was broken by a guy somewhere to his right who asked another question. Steve swiftly averted his gaze to look at him.

And the small, sickeningly fond smile was still etched onto Bucky’s face. He couldn't help it. And if people looked at him questioningly, he didn’t care. Fuck it, he was happy. His life was like a fairytale, written and co-directed by Steve Rogers himself, probably. He knew it was cliché, but he really wouldn’t have had it any other way.

And later, if he heard quite a few gasps after some of these people had connected the dots that _yes, he was, in fact, this wonderful man’s boyfriend,_ he just winked at them and ducked his head, focusing on minding his own business.

After the lecture at least fifty people approached Steve to ask for photos and autographs. Steve, always polite and grateful for his fans, happily obliged and posed patiently for every picture and signed every copy of his book, every notebook his fans had presented him with, every phone case they showed him, every fan art they’d drawn (which, _woah okay, was amazing_ ). Bucky knew Steve’s social battery had probably already been drained enough after his almost two-hour-long interactive lecture and yet the man continued to give everyone his undivided attention.

Once Bucky noticed Steve was looking at him, he sent him a smile and blew him a kiss when no-one was looking.

After he’d left the auditorium, he decided to shoot Steve a quick text before he would have to go to the next classes.

_to: Stevie <3_

_You were AMAZING I’m so proud of you I love you so SO much and also I had to physically restrain myself from running up to you and kissing your beautiful face senseless_

_to: Stevie <3_

_Saw at least thirty different people fall in love with you right in front of my own two eyes,, can’t say I blame them tho_

Steve’s response came in twenty minutes later, just as Bucky was putting his stuff on the floor near the entrance to the lab.

_from: Stevie <3_

_How nervous did I look on a scale 1-10 be honest_

_from: Stevie <3_

_\+ I love you too baby:) you looked really cute, I can’t wait to kiss you when I get home, my favourite student ;))_

Long months of dating Steve Rogers and he still blushed every time the man complimented him. Bucky really doubted this would ever change.

_to: Stevie <3_

_2 but that’s bc I know your tells when you’re nervous. 0 after the first two minutes bc that’s when you realised everyone loved u <3_

Everyone did love him. But he loved Steve the most.

***

_THREE YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS LATER_

“So that’s what you ordered when you first met him?”

Everything seemed to circle back to the coffee shop, which is where they’d found themselves in now. — Natasha sprawled on the comfy, red couch, Steve sitting opposite her on a big armchair with his legs slung over one of the armrests.

“Yeah. Is it good?”

She took a large gulp of her chai latte on soy milk with an extra spoonful of sugar.

“Better than good.”

They drank in silence for a short while, basking in the coziness that had settled over the tiny café. It was late at night, the light was quite dim and everyone that was still present in the shop was talking in a hushed tone so that they wouldn’t disturb others. The thing Steve loved the most about this place (well — apart from it being the spot where he met the love of his life) was the fact that no one batted an eye at him whenever he came here. The staff was well aware of who he was, so were the regulars. They just stopped caring after a short while and treated him like one of his own. Him and Bucky were now on the first name basis with all the baristas and — even though he’d never take credit for it — Steve’s regular presence in the shop had helped it gain popularity within both tourists and locals. It was his place.

“You know, _Fox_ called me yesterday.” She said, opting for a casual tone. Steve knew better than that.

“Shoot.”

She stared straight at him. “They wanna expand the contract.”

Steve looked at her questioningly. “Meaning?”

“They’re now talking about filming _Wait For Me_.”

His eyes widened, pulse quickening. “But they’re not done filming the _Haunted_ trilogy, though?”

Natasha smiled her signature cheshire cat smile. “Yeah, we already gave them the rights to the _Haunted_ trilogy. But…” She took a sip of her now lukewarm coffee, Steve impatiently waiting for her to continue. “The first two movies absolutely smashed it at the box office and the hype for the final one is enormous.”

“I mean…”

“Don’t be humble, Steve. You’ve earned it.” She looked at him pointedly. “They wanna get the rights to film _Wait For Me_ before other major entertainment company does it first.”

Steve huffed a long breath. “I don’t know what to say.”

Natasha stared at him for a moment.

“Just think this through. But don’t overthink it. And ask Bucky for advice, I know you wanna talk it over with him first. But, for what it’s worth —I think it’s a good opportunity.”

Steve fiddled with the hem of his (or: used-to-be-Bucky’s) jean jacket. “You’re right and we both know it. I just don’t wanna think about too many things at once, I guess. Not with the _15 timelines_ release coming next week.”

She smiled at him gently, voice soothing and collected. “I know this release is important for you. So don’t stress over anything else. I know you always like to overthink every single detail.” At that, Steve shrugged helplessly. She chuckled. “Leave that to me. That’s what I’m here for, after all. You call the shots, I take care of everything else.”

“You’re the best. Can’t wait till you read the new book. Hope I did your character justice.”

“I’m sure you did. _Natalia_ ’s gonna be the new fan favourite, I’m telling you.”

“You may be right, you know.”

“But,” She squinted her eyes at him. “I still have no idea why you seem so nervous about this release. You’ve never been this stressed out over these things before. What does Bucky think of the book?”

Steve smiled at her sheepishly. “He hasn’t read it yet. He’s waiting for the official release, like the proper fan he is. Besides, I wouldn’t want him reading it too early.”

“Why?”

Her piercing green eyes were trying to see the to the very core of his soul, making him shiverinvoluntarily. He scratched the back of his neck, trying his best to give her a reassuring smile. But, he wasn’t sure whether it was her who really needed the reassure. Natasha wasn’t nervous at all. She never doubted any of his decisions. Him, on the other hand…

“Just, you know… Every writer doubts his own creations.”

Her stare didn’t change, it was just as intense if not more. She knew something was up, just didn’t know what exactly. For Steve’s sake she decided to drop it.

“I understand. But I know everything will be fine. Or more than fine, I think things will be peachy perfect.” She flashed him a very encouraging, albeit definitely over-exaggerated toothy grin and he weakly smiled back.

***

“Buck, your phone!”

“What is it?” Bucky shouted from the bathroom, voice muffled by his toothbrush.

Steve glanced at the message that appeared on Bucky’s lockscreen (Which was a very nice photo of Steve smiling from ear to ear, holding Baxter just like mothers hold their newborn babies. Bucky loved it with all of his heart).

_from: 202-555-0771_

_Your book is waiting for you! Thank you for shopping with us._

_Arby’s books_

Steve’s heart rate sped up a little.

“Arby’s books!” He called out to him, startling Baxter from his peaceful nap on the couch.“Sorry, bud. Keep on sleeping.” He said quietly and petted his head.

“Will you pick it up?”

“Sure, baby.”

Bucky’s heart fluttered like it did every time Steve called him that. Some things never changed. He made his way over to the kitchen to join Steve on one of the bar stools. He took a sip from his coffee, frowning in disgust.

“Plain black?”

Steve laughed at the plain as day outrage on his boyfriend’s face. “Mhm… We’re out of milk.”

“Oh no…” Bucky couldn’t help himself and took another sip. “I see Sam’s barbaric way ofdrinking coffee has made quite an impact on you.”

Steve shrugged but smiled at him. “What can I say, the guy can be very persuasive.”

His phone suddenly lit up, blasting _Marimba_ on full volume. Both him and Bucky flinched, Steve grabbing it quickly to answer the call.

“Steve Rogers” He said to the speaker, voice cool and collected. Bucky’s eyes darkened. Four years had passed. _Four_. And his name still had this much effect on him, held so much power over the guy. Bucky was far from ashamed though, they both loved it too much to care.

He slowly made his way over to Steve and pressed his chest to the blonde’s back, sneaking his arms around his slim waist. He kissed the nape of his neck, Steve still on the phone. He felt him relax a little into the embrace, the tension caused by the probably business related call steadily dissipating. 

They were two completely different people and yet together they made perfect sense. Because, in the end it didn’t really matter how alike — or how different — they were. The better they knew each other, the more indistinct the contrasts got. What more could they really ask for?

So when Bucky finished reading the last chapter of _15 timelines_ , when he got to the very end of the book and saw _Marry me, Buck_. printed at the bottom of the last page, he looked up to find Stevebiting his lip and watching him with hopeful eyes. Tears flowing freely, a wobbly smile decorating his face, he chocked out _Yes. Yes, yes, yes._

_All timelines were different. That’s just the way life works — it never tells the same story twice. Sometimes I find you in a café, other times you’re the one who finds me. In one timeline we start out as strangers, in other you’re my childhood best friend. Things always alter. Everything changes but you. You never do. No matter the timeline, you’re always there waiting to meet me. You’re the only constant, the only thing that’s sure in a world so fragile and confusing it leaves me clueless. And I love you for it._

— Rogers, Steven. _15 timelines_. New York: AbramsPublishing, 2022.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that's a wrap! Thank you, so SO much for reading this story, leaving kudos and your amazing comments :) and (of course) for being patient with me and giving me motivation to write new chapters! You guys are amazing. As always: tell me your thoughts, I'd love to chat x 
> 
> (( and: if you're interested in new stories from me - I already have some ideas. you can subscribe to my user if you'd like. ))
> 
> have a great day/night and see you soon!


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